Monty Python- A miserable failure.....

[Jeffery]

WAIT- Read on before killing me!

In their forst onscreen interview all together (minus John) the member of Month Python described their act as a miserable failure.
Why you may ask. Well, when they created their skits, shows and movies, they wanted to create a comedy that was undefinable.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=pythonesque

I guess they succeeded, until they had an entire type of humor defined after them.

[Megabyte]

*accidently launched a tactical trout missle before reading*

oops, ur right, how about that.

[Jeffery]

*launches a Patriot Trout in response*

I did give a warning dangit.

[Medemia]

In a society that has to pigeonhole everything, it is no surprise that something had to be made up to classify Monty Python. Not too much of a failure. Afterall, if something is Jefferyesque, you'd say you made it. Afterall, an entire style would be named after you.

"I must complain about all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off."

[Jeffery]

Never compare Jeffery to Python.

Thats like blasphomy!

"It's dead. Stone F'ing dead!"

[Medemia]

Very true. I must apologize to Graham Chapman and the rest of the Pythonesque Pythonese.

"I doesn't have a flavor. It's bloody Albatross flavor!"

[Jonspen]

*kills*

[Bottle]

*kills*
I was waiting for someone to do that. :)

[Megabyte]

the rappart between medemia and jeff is particularly interesting.

Someone say something to get them both going.

[Jeffery]

"Go away, or I shall be forced to taunt you again!"

[DeadFishGuy]

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

[Jeffery]

Well, now, uh, Medemia, Bottle, and I, wait until
nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by
surprise -- not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!

[Jonspen]

So Jeff, we're supposed to be IN the rabbit?

[DeadFishGuy]

"Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me!"

[Bottle]

"Come back you coward! I'll gnaw your legs off!"

[Jonspen]

"We are now the Knights who say Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z' Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm "

[Godmic18]

"We are now the Knights who say Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z' Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm "

I can't believe you guys memorized these. Whatever floats your boat, I guess...

[TheBlazedAce]

I can't believe you guys memorized these. Whatever floats your boat, I guess...

Anyone who had the sense to memorize Monty Python dialogue has my respect. I wish I had the sense and stamina to have done that when I had the chance. :D

[Godmic18]

Anyone who had the sense to memorize Monty Python dialogue has my respect. I wish I had the sense and stamina to have done that when I had the chance. :D

LMAO. Good point.

While I spent my timing playing video games and playing the guitar, they were memorizing. While I was hiking into the heart of the Grand Canyon, they were putting all of their efforts onto getting those quotes right. I now understand the sacrifices they've made memorizing Monty Python skits and appreciate what they have done. I tip my hat to you good fellows for the sacrifices you have made in the name of Pythonesque.

::tips hat::

[Dagashi]

LMAO. Good point.

While I spent my timing playing video games and playing the guitar, they were memorizing. While I was hiking into the heart of the Grand Canyon, they were putting all of their efforts onto getting those quotes right. I now understand the sacrifices they've made memorizing Monty Python skits and appreciate what they have done. I tip my hat to you good fellows for the sacrifices you have made in the name of Pythonesque.

::tips hat::


Ah but think of the joy of always having a Python quote to respond to every situation no matter what....

Can't think of a quicker way to scare away potential girlfriends

[Godmic18]

Can't think of a quicker way to scare away potential girlfriends

I can. Just wander around in that Butt-Man suit Howard Stern wore.

[TheBlazedAce]

Ah but think of the joy of always having a Python quote to respond to every situation no matter what....

Can't think of a quicker way to scare away potential girlfriends

This gives me a great idea for a thread!

[Jonspen]

I can't believe you guys memorized these. Whatever floats your boat, I guess...

I remember most funny things, probably because I like them alot.

[Medemia]

After reading this thread last night, I had to go put in Monty Python: Live at the Hollywood Bowl. It's one of my favorites.

"If I said I was king just because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

[Jonspen]

My favourite sketch :

Bedevere stands on a stage in front of a large crowd of wild villagers.

Villager: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
Crowd: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
Bedevere: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
Villager: She looks like one!
Other Villagers: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
Bedevere: Bring her forward.

(a young woman is pushed through the crowd of villagers to the platform. She
is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose,
and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is
closed by the carrot.)

Witch: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
Bedevere: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
Witch: THEY dressed me up like this.
Villagers: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
Witch: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

(Bedevere lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in
fact rather small.)

Bedevere: Well?
One Villager: Well, we did do the nose.
Bedevere: The nose?
Villager: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
Villagers: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?
Villagers: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
One Villager: yes.
Villagers: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
Another Villager: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
Bedevere: What makes you think she is a witch?
Villager: Well, She turned me into a newt!!

(pause)

Bedevere: a newt?

(long pause)

Villager: I got better...
Villagers: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
Bedevere: Quiet, quiet, quiet, QUIETA There are ways of *telling* whether she
is a witch!
Villagers: Are there? What? Tell us, then! Tell us!
Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
V: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
Bedevere: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Villager: More Witches!
Other Villager: Wood.
Bedevere: So. Why do witches burn?

(long silence)
(shuffling of feet by the villagers)

Villager: (tentatively) Because they're made of.....wood?
Bedevere: Goooood!
Other Villagers: oh yeah... oh....
Bedevere: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
One Villager: Build a bridge out of 'er!
Bedevere: Aah. But can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Villagers: oh yeah. oh. umm...
Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
One Villager: No! No, no, it floats!
Other Villager: Throw her into the pond!
Villagers: yaaaaaa!

(when order is restored)

Bedevere: What also floats in water?
Villager: Bread!
Another Villager: Apples!
Another Villager: Uh...very small rocks!
Another Villager: Cider!
Another Villager: Uh...great gravy!
Another Villager: Cherries!
Another Villager: Mud!
Another Villager: Churches! Churches!
Another Villager: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck!
Villagers: (in amazement) ooooooh!
Bedevere: exACTly!
Bedevere: (to a villager) So, *logically*...
Villager: (very slowly, with pauses between each word)
If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
Bedevere: and therefore...

(pause)

Villager: A Witch!
All Villagers: A WITCH!


(they do consequently weigh her across from a duck on Bedevere's largest
scale, and she does indeed weigh the same as the duck.)

[mushroom_girl]

Everytime I see this part I laugh. It's just too damn funny!

Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't!
Arthur: Well what's that then? (pointing to the arm lying on the ground)
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You LIAR!
Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!

There follows an even shorter foray, at the end of which Arthur easily cuts
off the black knight's right arm, causing it and the black knight's sword to
drop to the ground. Blood spatters freely from the stump.

Arthur: Victory is mine!
(kneeling, praying) We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy--

He is kicked onto his side by the black knight.

Black Knight: Come on, then! (kicks Arthur again)
Arthur: (on the ground) What?!?
Black Knight: (kicking him again) Have at you!
Arthur: (getting up) You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight
is mine!
Black Knight: Ohhh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: LOOK!!!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound! (kicking Arthur again)
Arthur: Look, STOP that!
Black Knight: Chicken!!! Chicken!!!!!!!
Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg!
(The Black Knight continues his kicking)
Arthur: RIGHT! (He chops off the black knight's leg with his sword)
Black Knight: (hopping) Right! I'll do you for that!
Arthur: You'll *WHAT*?
Black Knight: Come 'ere!
Arthur: (tiring of this) What're you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm *INVINCIBLE*!!!
Arthur: You're a looney....
Black Knight: The Black Knight ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! Have at you!!
(hopping around, trying to kick Arthur with his one remaining
leg)

Black Knight: Okay, we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Pasty! (they "ride" away)

Black Knight: (calling after them) Oh! Had enough, eh? Come back and take
what's coming to you, you yellow bastards!! Come back here and
take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

[swordking35]

that movie is soooooo funny..... don't dis it

[Jonspen]

I love that one! Hilarious! The bridge of death with the speed velocity of a swan is also funny. You know, this one :




King Arthur: Now, we are about to attempt to cross...the Bridge of Death! The
gate-keeper of the Bridge will ask any who attempt to cross five
questions---Sir Bedevere: Three, sire.

Arthur: (pause) Oh, yes, three. He who successfully answers these five
questions--

Bedevere: Three, sire!

Arthur: (slightly longer pause) Ah, three, then...er, may pass in safety.
However, anyone who fails to correctly answer all five questions-

Bedevere: THREE, sire!

Arthur: I KNOW IT'S BLOODY THR--ahem, yes, of course, three. (black look
at Bedevere)...will be cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril!!!

(dramatic music)

Arthur: (continuing) Sir Robin, why don't you go?

Sir Robin: Er...I've got an idea! Why doesn't Sir Lancelot go?

Sir Lancelot: Yes, I'll take him, sire. (about to draw sword) I'll make a
feint to the North-East, and then--

Arthur: No, no, just answer the questions, Sir Lancelot.

Lancelot: But I'd really like a feint to the North-East, sire...

Arthur: No, Sir Lancelot. We'll all be right behind you, listening...

Lancelot: (sheathing sword) I...understand, sire.

Arthur: Our prayers go with you, Sir Lancelot.

(Lancelot approaches the bridge. Suddenly, out of nowhere,
the BRIDGEKEEPER appears.)

Bedevere: (whispering) It's the old man from Scene 24!!

Bridgekeeper: STOP!
He who would cross the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three
Ere the other side he see.

Lancelot: Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?

Lancelot: Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What...is your quest?

Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What...is your favorite color?

Lancelot: Blue.

Bridgekeeper: Right, off you go.

Lancelot: (slightly surprised) Oh! Well, thank you. Thank you very much.

(and off he goes. The knights look at each other.)

Robin: That's EASY!!!

(A mad rush for the bridge. Robin arrives first. The knights
cluster behind. A few sniff and wrinkle their noses, and the
group backs off.)

Bridgekeeper: STOP!
He who would cross the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three
Ere the other side he see.

Robin: (excitedly) Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper, I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?

Robin: Robin of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What...is you quest?

Robin: I seek the Grail!

Bridgekeeper: What...is the capital of Assyria?

Robin: (indignant) I don't know THAT!! (An unseen force whisks him up
and over the side.) AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!

(The knights pause, realizing this may be a bit tougher than
all that.)

*** Note: The following bit was cut from the movie. ***

Bedevere: What shall we do, sire?

Arthur: Well, I'm not sure, but...

Bridgekeeper: (off) What...goes black, white, black, white, black, white?

Sir Gawain: (off) Uh...er...ah...Babylon? AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!

*** Movie resumes. ***

Bridgekeeper: STOP!
He who would cross the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three
Ere the other side he see.

Sir Galahad: (swallowing) Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper...I am not
afraid...

Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?

Galahad: (nervous) Sir Galahad...

Bridgekeeper: What...is your quest?

Galahad: (really nervous) To seek the Grail...

Bridgekeeper: What...is your favorite color?

Galahad: (relieved) Blue! (starts across; oops) NO!
YELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!

(Arthur steps forward)

Bridgekeeper: STOP!
He who would cross the Bridge of Death
Must answer me
These questions three
Ere the other side he see.

Arthur: Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?

Arthur: King Arthur of the Britons!

Bridgekeeper: What...is your quest?

Arthur: I seek the Holy Grail!

Bridgekeeper: What...is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Arthur: (brief pause) What do you mean, an African or a European swallow?

Bridgekeeper: (confused) Well...I don't know...AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!

Bedevere: (crossing behind Arthur) How do you know so much about swallows,
sire?
Arthur: Well, you have to know these sorts of things when you're a king,
you know...

*** Note: The following bit was cut from the movie. ***

(Arthur and Bedevere approach a gigantic lake.
A boat in the shape of a dragon glides slowly
towards them. As they prepare to cross, the
same old man suddenly appears before them.)

Boat-keeper: STOP!
He who would cross the Sea of Fate
Must answer me these questions twenty-eight!

(Arthur and Bedevere look at each other. They look
at the old man. They look back at each other. They
pick the old man up, throw him in the water, and board
the ship.)

[mushroom_girl]

Lol Jonspen, I think I replayed that part about 3 times when I first saw it. That whole movie is just really funny! Shame they had to go ahead and "ruin" it by naming a type of comedy after it :rolleyes:

[Jonspen]

Yea, that movie is god like. I love it. Infact, I think when I log off these forums, before I go to sleep I'll watch abit again.

[swordking35]

don't spoil the movie for those who havn't seen it

[Jeffery]

The movie is older than you.

If you haven;t seen it, too bad.


"Bring out yer dead!"

[Jonspen]

We're not, we're posting scenes that we find highly funny. It's not like there is a daramtic ending we were going ti give away.

[mushroom_girl]

Yea, that movie is god like. I love it. Infact, I think when I log off these forums, before I go to sleep I'll watch abit again.
Ugh! I don't own it, it's so sad :( I've been stealing it from my friend recently and he took it back! How selfish of him.

And Swordking, everyone posting here would have probably seen it. Otherwise, what point is there to looking at a Monty Python thread?

[Jonspen]

Hey, you should go on ebay or amazon. You can get it cheap there, and it's so worth while!

[swordking35]

i have seen it and i am just trying to throw a piont out that people that havn't watched it my look at this thread

[Jonspen]

Well, why would they want to post in a thread about Monty Python if they havent seen it?

[swordking35]

they might just look at it

[mushroom_girl]

Hey, you should go on ebay or amazon. You can get it cheap there, and it's so worth while!
Last time I bought a movie on ebay, it was just the case, not the DVD. What a rip huh? I think I'll just go to Kmart later ^_^

[Jonspen]

For what reason?

[EDIT] That was aimed at swordking, I know you are going there for the DVD. :cool: You know, you could have complained at them and sent it back. Unless, it said when it was described it was only the case.

Amazon is fine though.

[Megabyte]

they might just look at it

"they" need to quite looking at stuff then

[mushroom_girl]

I know you are going there for the DVD. :cool: You know, you could have complained at them and sent it back. Unless, it said when it was described it was only the case.

Amazon is fine though.
I did. They just didn't care. But it was only 6 dollars...I should have guessed something was wrong with it :rolleyes:

Swordking, no one is going to look at a Monty Python thread unless they've seen it. And chances are, the Monty Python movie they've seen is The Holy Grail. So don't worry about it.

[Jonspen]

What was the DVD you bought on Ebay?

[mushroom_girl]

What was the DVD you bought on Ebay?
I'd rather not comment. It was when I was going through that "Preppy little girl" stage. The DVD I bought was something I'm now glad didn't come through my mail slot...

[Jonspen]

Oh, I see....




Merry little elves go to visit santa?

[mushroom_girl]

Oh, I see....
Merry little elves go to visit santa?
Lol. Not quite, but fairly close. Ok, it was Baby Geniuses. Jeez I used to love that movie

[TheBlazedAce]

I'd rather not comment. It was when I was going through that "Preppy little girl" stage. The DVD I bought was something I'm now glad didn't come through my mail slot...

Don't have any regrets in life. The mistakes of the past are what made you into the person you are today. Wow, that was profound!