What more can i do?

[meat.eater]

This is a conversation with me and my ex of almost a year. She moved away. She is almost 18 now. Well, the rest you can figure out.

Her Screenname will not be shown for her own privacy.

********: hey you
EtFoNeOuT: hey
EtFoNeOuT: me
********: yuppers
********: whats new with you??
EtFoNeOuT: meh
EtFoNeOuT: working with pcs
********: yeah
EtFoNeOuT: lol u have no idea what that is do you?
********: NONE
EtFoNeOuT: lol
EtFoNeOuT: portland center stage
EtFoNeOuT: they're performing one of my scripts
********: cool
********: having fun?
EtFoNeOuT: yea
********: really??
EtFoNeOuT: yea
********: didn't know that you wrote....
EtFoNeOuT: yup.
EtFoNeOuT: u didnt?
********: noppers
EtFoNeOuT: i dont "write" per-say. i playwrite.
EtFoNeOuT: lol :p
EtFoNeOuT: :-P*
********: ohh ok.. so your gay??
EtFoNeOuT: right.
********: knew i would turn more than 5 in my life
EtFoNeOuT: lol
EtFoNeOuT: strait as a spoon.
********: spoons arn't totaly strait....
EtFoNeOuT: that was the joke.
********: so your bi
EtFoNeOuT: ...
********: kewl.. i win!!
EtFoNeOuT: so, nevertheless
EtFoNeOuT: im editing and working on it.
EtFoNeOuT: its coming along
********: yuppers
EtFoNeOuT: hwat about you?
********: umm.. found out im having a littel boy
EtFoNeOuT: cute.
EtFoNeOuT: how far along now?
EtFoNeOuT: sry, i lose track
********: 21 weeks
********: its okay
********: im getting big
EtFoNeOuT: wow over 5 months
EtFoNeOuT: over half way
********: yeah
EtFoNeOuT: you still ahve to send me a pic of you pregnant, so i can laugh.
EtFoNeOuT: :-P
********: im not that big yet
********: i have only gained like 10 lbs
EtFoNeOuT: not too bad.
********: my boobs got bigger
EtFoNeOuT: i hope he;s feeding you.
EtFoNeOuT: LOL!
EtFoNeOuT: bout time!
********: i know
EtFoNeOuT: heeh.
********: im not wearing a bra right now and they look like the same size as when i wore a bra last year
EtFoNeOuT: oh, so still pretty small eh?
EtFoNeOuT: :-)
EtFoNeOuT: heh heh.
EtFoNeOuT: anyways...
********: well, and my eyes have lost their green... they are like a burnt huney coloir now
EtFoNeOuT: oh...
EtFoNeOuT: i always liked your green eyes.
EtFoNeOuT: maybe they turned brown during pregnancy
********: they are really pretty now
EtFoNeOuT: maybe your little boy will get them.
EtFoNeOuT: thsi is weird.
********: its cuz im so calm and relaxed now
EtFoNeOuT: im listening to "circle of life" at the moment, lol.
********: i hope he gets his daddy's eyes
********: lol
********: his daddy has green eyes with blue in them
EtFoNeOuT: ...
********: they are prettier than mine are
EtFoNeOuT: stop saying "his daddy"
EtFoNeOuT: lol
EtFoNeOuT: hes not my dad, after all.
********: lol
EtFoNeOuT: u can call him chris.
********: thats what we are naming the baby
EtFoNeOuT: jr.
EtFoNeOuT: u told me
********: Chris Michael JR
********: no completely after him
********: Michael will NOT be spelled Michelle
EtFoNeOuT: ah, i see
********: yeah
EtFoNeOuT: well.
EtFoNeOuT: you got quite the life picked out for ya.
********: i got ultrasound pics of him and he was flipping the camera off in one of them.. it was cute
********: yeah
********: ohh.. and my lawer is working on a settelment for me
********: like a huge one
EtFoNeOuT: just want you to know, i still think about ya. and worry about ya.
********: like she turned down 80,000
********: think about me how?
EtFoNeOuT: i just hope, things work out, you know.
EtFoNeOuT: :-)
********: me to
EtFoNeOuT: thats the worry i talk about.
********: i just dont know if it well work out with Chris...
EtFoNeOuT: i know, thats why i worry.
EtFoNeOuT: whats this settlement?
EtFoNeOuT: i dotn know about this./
********: for being hit by the car
EtFoNeOuT: way back when?
EtFoNeOuT: like before i met you?
********: yeah
EtFoNeOuT: whys it coming up now?
********: my medical is like $35,000 now
********: cuz we are finally starting to get somewhere in it
EtFoNeOuT: you still have constant appointments?
********: we have been trying for a long time
********: not up there
********: i have to go in in Feb. i think for another phyc. avaluation.
EtFoNeOuT: did she not have insurance?
EtFoNeOuT: or did she liek run a stop sign?
EtFoNeOuT: i dont remember hun, sry.
EtFoNeOuT: refresh me memory.
********: yeah she did... but she is claming that she is mentaly ill and needs a lot of shit.. so they cant pay it
********: hit me when i was in a place hat the crosswalk should have been
EtFoNeOuT: i see.
EtFoNeOuT: ok.
********: yeah
EtFoNeOuT: if you win, the money is all yours?
EtFoNeOuT: or your mothers
********: ill get money when im 18.. again at 21 and then again at 25
********: mine
********: my parents dont get any money
********: its my case so it is all mine
********: i was the victum...
EtFoNeOuT: if you're still with chris when you get some, do not giev him any money.
********: all they get is the medical and my atturney fees paid
EtFoNeOuT: i cant explain why, i think you know why, just dont.
EtFoNeOuT: thats is your money.
EtFoNeOuT: and you may need it later.
********: no.. when im 18 it will go to an appartment for me and the baby.. and him if he is still with me... and a car if i dont have one yet
EtFoNeOuT: good.
EtFoNeOuT: is he still in jail?
********: i dont know...
********: he had court today
********: he was out
********: he was only in fo a nght
********: but he had to go to court today and there was a chance that he would go back
********: and i havent heard anything
********: but that don mean anything
EtFoNeOuT: you're better then him.
********: cuz my phone wont take calls from the jail
EtFoNeOuT: i hate to say that.
EtFoNeOuT: but its true.
********: cuz they are collect

Contin...

[meat.eater]

Cont...

********: he is only in this trouble cuz a guy called me a cunt and then thrented that when i am 7 or 8 months pregnant that he was going to cause me to go into premature labor and makesure i couldnt ge tto the hospital in time
EtFoNeOuT: he should be mature enough to cal the police and bring you away from him.
EtFoNeOuT: instead of start something.
********: and the guy that said that supports red.. and chris is blue.. so it has been a constant thing with them
EtFoNeOuT: i hope it works out, i really do. But you may, being a mother, need to think about your child and his coming into the world before your own love.
EtFoNeOuT: what the hell is red, blue?
********: red=blood.. blue is rides and GD
********: gangs...
EtFoNeOuT: oh great.
EtFoNeOuT: he's in a gang.
********: Chris is normly good about it
********: hes in 2
EtFoNeOuT: wonderful.
********: Rough Riders and GD
EtFoNeOuT: you're better then him.

********: and im in them now cuz im with him
********: so im constantly protected
EtFoNeOuT: think about your son.
EtFoNeOuT: i knwo you do..
EtFoNeOuT: god that sounded bad.
EtFoNeOuT: i guess.
EtFoNeOuT: the onyl way i can express myself is...
EtFoNeOuT: i worry about you.
********: i know
EtFoNeOuT: be careful okay?
********: i think about my son all the time...
********: Chris knows that i wont do the things he does for the gang cuz im now a mommy...(WOW thats weird)... and he knows that if he is stupid about what fights he is involved in he runs the chance of lossing me and his son
********: i am
EtFoNeOuT: i dont want you to become that girl who's boyfriend is in a gang and she wanst to protect herself and her son but cant break it off because shes scared of what might happen to her.
********: no. i know that if i were to end it with Chris it would be fine...
EtFoNeOuT: you arent a gangster Alyshia. you're a girl. You're a teenager. And now you're a mother. i just...worry.
********: i know
********: but where im moving.... i have to have the protection of the gangs... expecaly Riders...
EtFoNeOuT: protection of gangs.
EtFoNeOuT: listen to yourself.
EtFoNeOuT: just look at what you just typed.
EtFoNeOuT: im...sorry.
EtFoNeOuT: i just cant think o fyou like that.
EtFoNeOuT: it hurts.
********: im moving to San Benadino.. i need it...
********: you know what happend to me in hte past
********: a person that dosent have the protection.. that can happen again
EtFoNeOuT: no it cant alyshia! You're letting your fear get ahold of you.
********: the only reason i aggred to join was for that.. i want to protect my son.
EtFoNeOuT: you have to belive it wont happen again.
EtFoNeOuT: you have to have faith.
EtFoNeOuT: you cant rely on the means of violence to protect your son!
EtFoNeOuT: imagine what that will teach him!
********: Chris's lil sister... had it happen to her 5 times after moving back
********: your thinking of the movie gangs and east coast.. like blood.
EtFoNeOuT: im not thinking of anything besides you.
EtFoNeOuT: and your son.
EtFoNeOuT: you know that.
EtFoNeOuT: i cant keep having these conversations much longer.
EtFoNeOuT: i just cant.
********: about what>
********: the fact that i have a life?
EtFoNeOuT: the fact that you could be throwing your life away.
********: a life that is diffrent that what it would have been up in portland?
EtFoNeOuT: im not asking to live how you always did. im not even asking anything from you then to just be careful. i dont want to see you hurt again.
********: i know
********: if oyu only knew how much i have changed...
EtFoNeOuT: i want you to be, a teenager again.
EtFoNeOuT: it just makes me sad.
EtFoNeOuT: (as you can probably tell)
********: i cant be a teenager again.
********: im a mom now
EtFoNeOuT: i know.
EtFoNeOuT: i know.
********: you know.. i think im lossing Danniele cuz im pregnant... now i feel that i am lossing you because of who i have become....
********: i lost my dad
********: my sister wont talk to me....
EtFoNeOuT: you will never lose me.
EtFoNeOuT: ever.
EtFoNeOuT: you're scaring me, alyshia.
EtFoNeOuT: but you arent losing me.
********: my grandmother wont even stay in the same room as me
EtFoNeOuT: youve made...needless to say..."interesting" choices.
********: my dad wont even met Chris... he wont talk to me with out telling me that "this wouldnt have happend if you were living up here with me"...
********: if you dont want to talk about y new life.. then fine
********: we can talk about something else
EtFoNeOuT: i dont think you should have stayed up here.
EtFoNeOuT: as much as i also hate to say that.
EtFoNeOuT: i know you had to move on to a new chapter of your life.
EtFoNeOuT: but, its like...you skipped a chapter.
EtFoNeOuT: you read ahead in your story.
EtFoNeOuT: you might not get the whole feel for it.
EtFoNeOuT: I dotn wnat you to be confused. or sad.
EtFoNeOuT: and i think the could be a path that is quite possible.
********: im not confussed.. or sad
********: im happy
EtFoNeOuT: okay.
********: im happier now then i ever was doing what everyone wanted me to do
EtFoNeOuT: im wprried your happiness is the calm before the storm.
EtFoNeOuT: worried*
EtFoNeOuT: i need to go.
EtFoNeOuT: dotn get hurt again.
********: yeah
EtFoNeOuT: love you. please. please be careful.
********: lov ya too.. i am careful
EtFoNeOuT: talk to you later.
********: yeah

I need advice from somebody who may be a little more wise in this category then I.

[Pinkie TDP]

I'm a psychology major and deal with things like this a lot. Really the one thing I can tell you is, if she doesn't want help there isn't anything you can do. You can never help someone who doesn't want help and isn't ready to get out of their situation on their own. My advice would be just pray for her & her baby's safety and be there for her if she needs someone to talk to. I hate to tell you that but unfortunately there's not much you can do, she's a big girl and will have to grow up and change her life on her own.

[meat.eater]

I dont know if i can do that. Its very hard. I cant just "watch" her throw herself away.

[Pinkie TDP]

One thing you can hope is that when she actually has this kid, she will realize how much life means. She may not ever get out of the situation for herself, but hopefully she will for the sake of her child.

[meat.eater]

So i basically have the birth of a child to rely on? And what if he takes that from her too? What if she is forced to stay with him because of that child? What if thats what is ruining her could-be life?

[Pinkie TDP]

I know it's so difficult but if you feel like the child is at serious risk after it's born for harm/death, call Department for Child Services and try to get the child out of the situation. And if there's gangs and I'm sure drugs involved, I don't think that would be a hard case to win. Yet, it sounds like you're a little more interested in HER than only the safety of the child, but again that's kind of opening up another door of possiblities that would take days to explain. And again, your hand in this is unfortunately extremely limited.

EDIT: I find it interesting that she says she feels protected in a gang. How many people above the age of... oh, about 30, do you really see in gangs? Next to none for 2 reasons: 1 - either they are killed by then, or 2 - they realize how stupid it is and leave after they start a family. It's such a false sense of security. I definitely feel for the position you're in, but like I said, you'll never be able to convince her otherwise and if you try, she'll fight you every step of the way and you'll seem like the enemy instead of a saviour.

[ChingyDTP]

Wow...

[meat.eater]

I cant take her child from her...i just feel like there is a way i can do something. like i have to find a way to do something. Shes moving. Shes moving to liev with him and his gang. Shes leaving where i can try to protect her from herself and them. I just feel like i have to try to stop her, whatever it takes.

[Dove]

This is not something I've experienced, but I deal with a lot of people who come to me after things like this. What more can you do? Nothing. If she's convinced that her way of life is fine and dandy, she's just going to have to live it out. The human will is incredibly strong... it can even triumph over conscience. You're doing all that you can. Hers and her child's safety are the most important matters. If that safety is broken in a minute way, it might shock her into realization. If it's broken in an extreme way, as terrible as it would be for her and all those who truly care for her, it would definitely make her realize she needs a change.

All that you can do is hope she wakes up. Keep trying man, I'll be praying for you.

[Pinkie TDP]

Well, one thing which I'm sure isn't but should be your #1 priority is your safety. If you're talking about getting her out of a gang no matter what it takes (possibly forcefully?), I can tell you that the gang doesn't care about your safety and they may "protect" her from you. You need to look at what your main priorities are. I certainly don't want to tell you what to do, yet if I were in your position, I would try to keep myself safe then the life of the INNOCENT child, THEN her. Good luck in whatever you end up deciding to do, but hopefully you won't need any luck.

[meat.eater]

I cant let the child be born into that situation...i just cant. I just feel like i know the day the world is going to end and how ist going to end, but im not telling anyone so we can stop it, you know? I think if that baby is born into that community, it will bind her to that community. And i cannot let that happen.

[***Duo***]

What's this, 'Chris's' last name?


-Duo

[meat.eater]

I will not say. Sorry, i cant do that.

EDIT: why.

[***Duo***]

Because my cousin has the same name... and was involved in gang/drug activities.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
The situation sounds... familier.


-Duo

[Pinkie TDP]

I cant let the child be born into that situation...i just cant. I just feel like i know the day the world is going to end and how ist going to end, but im not telling anyone so we can stop it, you know? I think if that baby is born into that community, it will bind her to that community. And i cannot let that happen.

Just take one minute. Relax. And read this.

Look over all the posts you have in return to your situation and try to be as objective as possible. We are trying to give you advice... however, you have already had your mind set on what you wanted to do - to get her out of the situation no matter what it takes. We are trying to tell you to do something else, however you're not taking into consideration what we are saying because you just want us to agree with you.

Now the reason I brought this up is, imagine what is going to happen when you try to tell HER how to live her life. The exact same thing that happened to you responding to our posts. She will not see it as words of wisdom, she will see you as trying to change the life she is "happy with". And she won't agree with you. Her saying "im happier now then i ever was doing what everyone wanted me to do" tells me you will NEVER EVER EVER talk her out of this. She will hear what you have to say, feel like you're attacking her, and will push you farther away and get more set in her ways, just as you did when you read our posts.

[meat.eater]

Lol. Im sure there are more then 1 gang member named Chris. Doesnt live in Klamath Falls, Oregon does he?

[***Duo***]

I will not comment on that...

Anyways... go with what you feel is right. Be wary of what you do, however, do it carefully.
Gangs are always trouble...


-Duo

[Dove]

In response to (or support of) Pinkie's last post, I had a girl call me THIS WEEK and want to talk to me about some major decisions she made that she wished she hadn't. Acting as the sleazy pastor that I sometimes play, I was able to give her some help and some comfort in her situation. The blunt truth is, if you wait it out and keep the friendship alive and cheery, and God allows her and her child to be protected, eventually she'll realize her mistakes and the end of her current lifestyle.

It'll be taken care of. Wait for it, and if action is necessary, the way will be shown to you.

[Moose]

When you deal with gangs, u often get burned, the best policy is just to avoid them in the first place.

In response to ur helping plea, i'm afraid I don't have any advice, largely due to the fact that i've never had to deal with gang shit. So I guess it's up to her to do something.

[meat.eater]

Thanks guys. Very much. I would like to see if anybody else has anything else to say. I dotn know exactly what will happen. But Pinkie your last post very much did help me. I'll talk to her tomarrow. See what else i can try to say. If what you say is right, and i think it is, the best thing i can do is show my support to her, and hopefully have her see the people that really care about her in this world.

[Orcrist]

As frustrating as it is, I think the best thing you can do at this point is be loving and supportive. She knows how you feel about the situation, and the more you push it the more you will push her from you. She already feels abandoned by her family and other friends, that much is clear. Make sure she knows that you're there for her no matter what, and pray that eventually she'll stop allowing herself to be blinded by the excitement of a new life.

You sound like you've got a head on your shoulders, just take it easy and remember that no matter how much you might not like it, it really really is her life. She has to be the one to make the decisions, and the changes.

[meat.eater]

Its just tough you know. And i dont want to get back with her, by all means, but, you know...you care about someone for a long time. I just dont want to see this happen to her.

[Orcrist]

:(

*hug*

[meat.eater]

As stupid as i normally say the asterix actions are, that actually made me feel better. Thanks.