'm in need of some advice... [Archive] - Tactics Arena Community Forums

uniquinous

04-12-2006, 10:54 AM

This is the standard advice I give most people in your situation (I'm assuming it's straight forward, if it's not then please clarify).

What are you supposed to be right now? Just friends, I would imagine, correct? If so, then you need to treat her as such. Observe your physical and emotional interactions with your guy friends, or even more distant acquaintances, and emulate that with her. That is your target interaction, as far as she should see.

Now, if you don't want anything to do with this girl whatsoever, you need to take that stance: be cold (not mean, just not warm and inviting), be straight forward, and let her know you'd like to limit your interactions.

Regardless of exactly how you want to interact with her, the rest of your time spent at this commonground with her should be perfectly normal. That is to say: relax. Don't look over your shoulder every 2 seconds to see where she is. Don't worry about when she might show up, etc. Yes, it's easier said then done, but you shouldn't sacrifice the entire day because you have something looming on the forefront of your mind which is inhibiting you from enjoying yourself normally. Yes your interaction with her will need to be slightly contrived, but that should be the *only* out-of-place interaction, ideally.

Despite these two rather common setups and how she will percieve you, it's incredibly important to acknowledge (moreso on your end alone) how the relationship affects you. After all, you aren't just friends, and indeed you can't just be like normal everyday friends after being in a romantic relationship together. So while you might need to keep her at arms length (with some variance in exact distance), just have it in your own head *why* you are doing such. I find people fall prey to the secondary hookup/relationship because they fall into the "really friendly" category again and fool themselves because they've lost sight of the original reasons why the relationship ended.

Good luck! And let us know how it all turns out!

ReTodd

04-12-2006, 11:02 AM

If she wants to keep you on the "back burner", let her. When you see her, play it off like what happened has happened and you haven't thought about it/her much at all, then excuse yourself as you move out of the conversation and on with your life. If she thinks she cannot have you and you are not a lost little puppy waiting for her to come back, she will most likely become interested in you again. Just don't trust her or believe anything she says ever again because she will never change.

Hellblazer

04-12-2006, 11:04 AM

Ignore her. She's just useing you so she'll always have a guy on arm even if she breaks up with who she's going out with now.

boogieman

04-12-2006, 11:07 AM

Booya

uniquinous

04-12-2006, 11:15 AM

lol - not exactly what I'd consider the most sound relationship advice...

the continuation or ending of a relationship should be fully based on the interaction between the couple, not the social implications people would have about that breakup (or so I preach).

boogieman

04-12-2006, 11:19 AM

Booya

boogieman

04-13-2006, 09:44 AM

Booya

KBHoleN1

04-13-2006, 10:14 AM

Just don't trust her or believe anything she says ever again because she will never change.
Possibly the best advice ever. Fear the devil woman.

Princess J

04-13-2006, 10:17 AM

haha you want some good advice? watch the movie hitch. hehe

boogieman

04-13-2006, 12:59 PM

Booya

Kerplunk

04-13-2006, 08:31 PM

Sounds tricky....

Do you share many mutual friends?? cos if you do its probably best not to ignore her and to just be nice (even if it does kill you). If you start getting all ass holeish then you will put stress on your mutual friend’s friendships.

The best advice I could give you would just be to get over her...and not let her have any influence over what you do or how you act. Actually get over her...hang about with your mates, have a laugh and just don’t give her a second thought. That will show her you have far more important things on your mind and trust me...that will irritate her more than anything!

It does sound like she is playing you, so don’t allow you’re self to be played again, just show her that you can have a good time without her, that makes you far more attractive than some clingy lost puppy (as said earlier)

But also...the likelihood is that once you show her your capable of living without her, she'll just want you back...expect lines like...i'm ready for a relationship now… I really care about you...that other guy just didn’t match up...ALL OF IT WILL BE LIES!!!!

If I’m totally honest she sounds like a bit of a player and a very insecure person who just needs a man on her arm...don’t be used as an accessory!!

I have countless friends like her....all they enjoy is the thrill of the chase...she will never chage...once they have a guy they get bored and move on.

Good luck with it all....

boogieman

04-14-2006, 09:52 AM

Booya

HatchetKlown17

04-14-2006, 09:57 AM

Personally I still talk to ex-girlfriends from when I was 13 and 14... I have remained friends with all of them except one. Usually an ex can become a very good friend and someone you can confide in because they know the most about you, and you can ask them for advice on a current relationship.

Just be sure that they know the relationship is strictly pluetonic(sp?).

WaCk-HeAd

04-14-2006, 12:24 PM

This is the standard advice I give most people in your situation (I'm assuming it's straight forward, if it's not then please clarify).

What are you supposed to be right now? Just friends, I would imagine, correct? If so, then you need to treat her as such. Observe your physical and emotional interactions with your guy friends, or even more distant acquaintances, and emulate that with her. That is your target interaction, as far as she should see.

Hahahaahahahaahahahaahaha I didn't read more, because I couldn't stop laughing at this.

Hahahahahahahaha "Observe your physical and emotional interactions with your guys friends or even more distant acquaintances and emulate that with her." And especially "That is your target interaction".

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Thanks for the laugh.

Boogieman, this is not difficult at all.

Think about want you want.

A. Get her back - Go with Retodd's advice in his first post, but don't trip like him and believe she's some kind of demon. Just don't take her word too easily.

B. Be friends with her - Go with Uniquinous's advice, he may have worded it rather...odd...but it is good advice. (I'm going to call you uniqblabla from now on because I can't remember your name, for fuck's sake.)

C. Ditch her - The last thing you want is that she knows you're hurt. So simply tell her to **** off, but don't tell her directly, because then she'll know you're hurt. Be an arrogant motherf*cker.

This is also the funniest choice, especially when she wants to hug you, you can really diss her then.

When she wants to hug you, turn away and play like you didn't even notice it. When she asks what's up. You tell her with a smile on your face "Oh... my bad" then you walk away and go talk to some friends.

Hahahahahahaha, I'm already laughing. Pure ownage.

Ignore her, show that you don't give a shit, and when she asks what's wrong. Tell her "Uhm, I'm actually a lot better than I thought I would be. I'm actually doing pretty great *big smile now* But no offense, since this is nice and all.. but isn't it time to get lost already?". Keep smiling through the whole thing though.

BE ARROGANT.

You have every right to be, she's the one trying to play you. You shouldn't feel bad if you diss her. But if you do, do it well. Repeat this every time she's trying to contact you. You NEVER contact her. NEVER.

Please realise that you're sure about ditching her though, because I don't think she'll stick around very long if you keep that up.

Man, I'd kill to be in your shoes during that conference :bigsmile:

boogieman

04-14-2006, 12:42 PM

booya

WaCk-HeAd

04-14-2006, 12:45 PM

Dude, totally ignore her?

Come on! Option C is way more fun! Then you don't have to ignore her at all anymore :bigsmile:

boogieman

04-14-2006, 12:47 PM

booya

kegsworth

04-14-2006, 12:51 PM

you may get a kick out of just looking at her. i'll post vids and pics if i get a camera phone before then. :D

Does she chase frisbees?

boogieman

04-14-2006, 03:31 PM

booya

BigMan9878

04-14-2006, 04:20 PM

Well, i wouldn't give her a hug, she broke up with you right? So just don't talk to her, unless you still like her and want to be around her. I say that you still be a gentleman, show her the type of person you are, hopefully not a loser :). Thats my two cents.

WaCk-HeAd

04-14-2006, 04:22 PM

:D maybe.... i'll think about that one. though she'll probably tell her mom, who will in turn tell my mom, who will in turn tell my dad, who will probably make me write her an apology and all that kind of crap. privileges will be lost, groundings will be set, all that stuff. (my family is christian, and dad's kinda strict about a ton of stuff... :D)
but it'd probably be worth it. :D

Then ignore everything I said, and do as you're told by your parents :)

mushroom_girl

04-14-2006, 10:45 PM

If she's just going to be interested in you when she breaks up with this guy, then she's not worth it.

Take WaCk's advice. Ignore her attempts at hugging, flirting, etc., and just act like nothing's wrong. It'd be so much fun! She can't tell her parents anything except "DADDY! Billy-Joe didn't hug me at the conference." If I were her mother, I'd ignore her too if she told me that.

Goddamn I want to play the bitch now.

S_K_O_F

04-15-2006, 02:24 AM

to all that read soforth:

i am going to be attending a conference at the end of may for homeschoolers. it's a great conference with a lot of workshops and stuff. there's even a college fair for a lot of the colleges in the state. i've met a few good friends there, and will probably meet more this time around.

now onto the dilemma: my ex-girlfriend's going to be there. :( if you remember from my post on the Prom thread, she dumped me in early january, and i had to go to her senior prom two weeks later. the bad thing about seeing her is the fact that i can't stand her... she had a guy that she likes, but didn't tell me that she liked min when she broke up with me, and also wants to keep in touch via email and IM. i've figured out pretty quickly that she wants to keep me on the back burner until the time when she may (if ever...) want to restart the relationship.

what i want to ask you all is this: how do i treat her when she comes up to me? i know her well enough to say that the chances are large that she'll want to walk up and give me a hug... but i really can't say that she'll want to hang out with me or what... she's going to be having her graduation ceremony there, by the way. and we're going to be there together for the entire three days...

it sucks to be in this situation, but i feel like you guys can help me out with this. i appreciate all advice anyone can give me, and ask that no one negs me for putting this in the general discussion board...

This is what I would do in this situation, so take it or leave it...

I would get one of my girl friends (note the space) to pretend to be my girlfriend for the day. I would have her walk around with me holding my hand and just acting like my girlfriend. When the ex walked up to give the hug, I would make sure that my pretend girlfriend would never leave my side, always with, at least, one of her arms around me. This will keep the ex at bay. If your ex wants to know what is going on and why you didnt tell her about your new woman, explain to her that you really didn't consider it any of her business.

this method works very well in just about all situations. And more than likely, if you have female friends, one of them will volunteer for this job. The one that volunteers more than likely likes you already and this could all be a really good icebreaker to start a new relationship.

boogieman

04-15-2006, 07:46 AM

booya

Kerplunk

04-15-2006, 08:10 AM

Ignore her, show that you don't give a shit, and when she asks what's wrong. Tell her "Uhm, I'm actually a lot better than I thought I would be. I'm actually doing pretty great *big smile now* But no offense, since this is nice and all.. but isn't it time to get lost already?". Keep smiling through the whole thing though.

BE ARROGANT.

You have every right to be, she's the one trying to play you.

NO...DONT BE ARROGANT unless you want to be labeled a no-go for all of her friends and every other female she knows....esp if it isnt you. If you start being an ass hole people will follow her...who likes to be mates with an ass hole??

You have every right to be, but it isnt the best long term, people wont want to make friends with you, and an ass hole reputation takes a long time to get rid of....:bigsmile:

ReTodd

04-15-2006, 09:14 AM

SKOF, A devious plan but too much effort for me.

Wack, Great advice! Not my style, but I have friends who enjoy being asses to women and I love watching it all. I am shocked by how many women are more than willing hook up with them. The only difference with my approach is instead of negging the girl, I feign disinterest. I realized how well it works after accidentally blowing off a girl who at the time didn't seem interested in me.

Looking for relationships is always a game. Everyone tries to be someone/something they are not, especially those who insist they are 100% sincere and honest.

WaCk-HeAd

04-15-2006, 09:19 AM

NO...DONT BE ARROGANT unless you want to be labeled a no-go for all of her friends and every other female she knows....esp if it isnt you. If you start being an ass hole people will follow her...who likes to be mates with an ass hole??

You have every right to be, but it isnt the best long term, people wont want to make friends with you, and an ass hole reputation takes a long time to get rid of....:bigsmile:

That's was the option to ditch her, genius. Of course she doesn't want to make friends with you, that's the whole idea.

He either wants A, B or C. People alraedy gave him advice how to get back with her or how to remain friends, but it is very well possible he wants to ditch her.

That's by being extremely arrogant. And like ReTodd said, arrogant assholes usually get plenty of girls, so don't worry about every other female she knows.

ReTodd

04-15-2006, 09:37 AM

I actually think being an arrogant prick may get her back. The only way to screw up is to let her know you care, and risk being rejected by this girl a second time.

mushroom_girl

04-15-2006, 09:49 AM

I would get one of my girl friends (note the space) to pretend to be my girlfriend for the day. I would have her walk around with me holding my hand and just acting like my girlfriend. When the ex walked up to give the hug, I would make sure that my pretend girlfriend would never leave my side, always with, at least, one of her arms around me. This will keep the ex at bay. If your ex wants to know what is going on and why you didnt tell her about your new woman, explain to her that you really didn't consider it any of her business.
Ooh, I love it. :)

My friend once asked me to do something like that, but I declined because I was busy the day he needed me. Grr!

WaCk-HeAd

04-15-2006, 10:10 AM

I actually think being an arrogant prick may get her back. The only way to screw up is to let her know you care, and risk being rejected by this girl a second time.

The shame of being rejected twice by the same girl will be overwhelming! Just phone Mushroom_Girl and take her with you! At least, I would.

I think nobody in here is more perfect to diss your ex-girlfriend than her.

mushroom_girl

04-15-2006, 11:12 AM

The shame of being rejected twice by the same girl will be overwhelming! Just phone Mushroom_Girl and take her with you! At least, I would.

I think nobody in here is more perfect to diss your ex-girlfriend than her.
:dry:

Are you calling me ugly?

WaCk-HeAd

04-15-2006, 02:02 PM

Huh? How am I calling you ugly? I thought it was more of a compliment.

I think you're perfect since you're A: Female and B: you love this method

boogieman

04-15-2006, 02:05 PM

booya

mushroom_girl

04-15-2006, 02:47 PM

Huh? How am I calling you ugly? I thought it was more of a compliment.

I think you're perfect since you're A: Female and B: you love this method
I was joking, Wack. Nevermind... :rolleyes:

And yeah, I'd help him if I knew him. It could be fun!

WaCk-HeAd

04-15-2006, 03:03 PM

I was joking, Wack. Nevermind... :rolleyes:

And yeah, I'd help him if I knew him. It could be fun!

Don't roll your eyes at me.!

I was just playing a long and joking too...

Yeah that's right...

...

I was joking and YOU didn't notice it... yeah... just so you know...

...

yeah...

So you can feel bad and not me... yeah...

... so there!

boogieman

04-15-2006, 03:12 PM

booya

mushroom_girl

04-15-2006, 03:14 PM

Don't roll your eyes at me.!

I was just playing a long and joking too...

Yeah that's right...
:rolleyes:

Boogie, I doubt it. But FYI, I live in New Jersey.

boogieman

04-15-2006, 03:16 PM

booya

mushroom_girl

04-15-2006, 03:35 PM

Yeah. I'm really in Amish Country.

Y'know...lots of comptuers there.

WaCk-HeAd

04-15-2006, 04:51 PM

Ha! I got this one!! I did!! I really did!! I got this joke!!

Woohoo!!

*dances off*

Kerplunk

04-15-2006, 05:24 PM

That's was the option to ditch her, genius. Of course she doesn't want to make friends with you, that's the whole idea.

He either wants A, B or C. People alraedy gave him advice how to get back with her or how to remain friends, but it is very well possible he wants to ditch her.

That's by being extremely arrogant. And like ReTodd said, arrogant assholes usually get plenty of girls, so don't worry about every other female she knows.

Irregardless of weather he wants to get back with her, remain friends with her, or make her vanish into thin air....acting like an arrogant ass hole is NOT an attractive feature to any girl with half a brain....undoubtedly, if he acts like an arrogant ass people there will see him act like an arrogant ass, so they will then think he IS an ass...not an attractive feature, to ANYONE.

And you said you would make new friends there....well would you want to talk to someone you had seen acting like an arrogant ass hole? People won’t know the situation, its just best to be nice to her. By doing that you’re showing her that you’re over her, and showing other people there you’re a nice person to get to know. By ignoring and being all ass holeish you would be showing her that your still bothered, and by being an arrogant pig, you would be showing everyone there your not the kinda person they would want to be mates with.

WaCk-HeAd and ReTodd ...Name one ass hole who has actually pulled someone nice who wasn’t either after there money, social status, or anything else they might want.....?:dry:

ReTodd

04-15-2006, 05:29 PM

WaCk-HeAd and ReTodd ...Name one ass hole who has actually pulled someone nice who wasn’t either after there money, social status, or anything else they might want.....?:dry:

I am engaged, my name is Todd. I don't bring much to the table. In fact, she could be considered my sugar momma.

P.S. Your avatar makes me laugh at you

WaCk-HeAd

04-15-2006, 05:35 PM

Nooooo!! You got this all wrong!

Let me respond to your post piece by piece.

Irregardless of weather he wants to get back with her, remain friends with her, or make her vanish into thin air....acting like an arrogant ass hole is NOT an attractive feature to any girl with half a brain....undoubtedly, if he acts like an arrogant ass people there will see him act like an arrogant ass, so they will then think he IS an ass...not an attractive feature, to ANYONE.

Who said he needs to be an arrogant ass to everyone? Even though it's not a bad way to hook up, I don't think I ever said this.

The only girl he needs to be an arrogant asshole to is the girl who he wants to ditch. This you do by ignoring her, showing that she is of no importance to you. Anyone who she will discuss this with are the people who know of the situation.

as you said you would make new friends there....well would you want to talk to someone you had seen acting like an arrogant ass hole? People won’t know the situation, its just best to be nice to her. By doing that you’re showing her that you’re over her, and showing other people there you’re a nice person to get to know. By ignoring and being all ass holeish you would be showing her that your still bothered, and by being an arrogant pig, you would be showing everyone there your not the kinda person they would want to be mates with.

Dude, in Holland we don't have observers watching your every move. If he wants to ditch her, he needs to be arrogant, because the last thing you want to show a bitch like her is that you're hurt. So act like she is of no importance to you. She had her fun playing you, now it's your turn.

Again, you're not being an asshole to everyone. You're just being arrogant to HER. And the people who see you acting all arrogant either know of the situation and laugh their ass of or are of no importance anyway, since they don't know you or the situation.

WaCk-HeAd and ReTodd ...Name one ass hole who has actually pulled someone nice who wasn’t either after there money, social status, or anything else they might want.....?:dry:

I don't really get this, but I assume that you're asking whether an asshole ever hooked up with a nice girl.

I actually think a lot of them did, at least a lot more than the nice guys like you, especially at the age of boogieman.

Kerplunk

04-15-2006, 06:09 PM

Nooooo!! You got this all wrong!

Let me respond to your post piece by piece.

Who said he needs to be an arrogant ass to everyone? Even though it's not a bad way to hook up, I don't think I ever said this.

The only girl he needs to be an arrogant asshole to is the girl who he wants to ditch. This you do by ignoring her, showing that she is of no importance to you. Anyone who she will discuss this with are the people who know of the situation.

Dude, in Holland we don't have observers watching your every move. If he wants to ditch her, he needs to be arrogant, because the last thing you want to show a bitch like her is that you're hurt. So act like she is of no importance to you. She had her fun playing you, now it's your turn.

Again, you're not being an asshole to everyone. You're just being arrogant to HER. And the people who see you acting all arrogant either know of the situation and laugh their ass of or are of no importance anyway, since they don't know you or the situation.

I don't really get this, but I assume that you're asking whether an asshole ever hooked up with a nice girl.

I actually think a lot of them did, at least a lot more than the nice guys like you, especially at the age of boogieman.

I think were misunderstanding each other!!

All that I am saying is if he acts like an ass hole the people will see, and people do talk, and getting a reputation as an asshole isn’t a good thing...EVER!

And by being an ass hole he will be showing her that he isn’t over her, it will just show to her that he is still bothered. Being nice to her is the best way, she'll have nothing bad to say about him, so she wont be able to run crying to Daddy, she'll be sooo pissed off that he is over her and so unbothered he cant be assed to act all ass holeish, and other people there will see he is acting in a pleasant manner and want to be his friend.:p

WaCk-HeAd

04-16-2006, 07:40 AM

Yeah.. That would happen. In a nice perfect world.

The nice guy story just doesn't hold up. You don't see it. If he still remains nice to her, she will think he still digs her and she can use him as back-up any day she wants and THEN she will have something bad to say about him.

That anyone can walk all over him, she already did and she'll remain to do so if he doesn't step up! You must show her that she can't anymore, and he needs to walk all over her. THEN people will see that boogieman can take care of himself and doesn't need to some girl to feel good about himself.

And we're not saying that he needs to be an asshole and call her names and stuff. We're telling him to be ARROGANT, show that you don't give a rat's ass about her anymore and that SHE blew it, and that you moved on. Something you will accomplish if you start ignoring her, walking away when she wants to hug you. Don't pay attention to whatever she says EVER. And whatever you do, ignore her, diss her, whatever, KEEP SMILING. Keep acting as if you don't know what's wrong.

Works every time.

Remember, we're not talking about adult relationships and whatever, at least I don't think we are. Right, Boogieman?

ReTodd

04-16-2006, 09:39 AM

It still works in adult relationships. I feel like I have to take a shower after I do this so I go easy and take the ignore route. Plain and simple women want attention from men and if you don't provide it they start to wonder why, ultimately driving them to you to find out why.

Kerplunk

04-16-2006, 10:14 AM

ok...point taken, i can see the point your making there Wack-head.

I just think that he should be careful not to act like too much of an ass hole to her, he doesnt want to give her more to bitch about, and he doesnt want to give other people reason to dislike him, hense why i would advise against being arrogant.

uniquinous

04-16-2006, 11:13 AM

yes, i see both sides - he need be careful not to act positvely towards the girl. That doesn't automatically mean he need be negative and assholish, just... neutral - treating her like a complete stranger or distant acquaintance - not mean, but not comfortable enough to be openly nice/comforting.

boogieman

04-16-2006, 01:31 PM

Make Way For Another Double Post!!!!

boogieman

05-24-2006, 02:05 PM

Ok you all, sorry for the double post but instead of making another pointless thread about this same topic, I'm double posting *gasp* to let you know that the conference is tomorrow, and for those of you who are looking back in this thread to see what's going on, I decided later to take off these posts of mine because if for some strange reason my ex-girl's here, she can't see that I'm boogieman, because only two other persons know that I have anything to do with TAO... Kegs and ][)ienasty...

But anyway, in short, the reason you are here is to wish me luck (lol) with my experiances at a conference this Thursday through Saturday. My ex-girl is going to be there, and I haven't talked to her since January. Now the only reason I'm worried about this is her mom is the sort that is kind of pushing the envelope and my patience with this matter. The matter being that her daughter broke up with me (not the other way around...) two weeks before her senior prom that I had to go to... and in the process broke my heart. That's over now, but she's a player and has kept me on the back burner so to speak so I'm "available" for her in case she doesn't want to continue her current relationship with the boy that she broke up with me to go to.

So wish me luck with this, because I don't want to come across as the asshole of this situation, and also don't want to come across as wanting to restart our previous relationship together. And my mom doesn't want to be harrassed by her mom, so wish her luck with all of this too please. I'm sure it's gonna be ok, but if you guys wish me luck I'll feel a lot better about it all. :)

Thanks you all... I'll post pictures and whatnot when I get back... I'm leaving early tomorrow morning and getting back late late Saturday night so I'll probably be on next on Monday, so this is also a brief goodbye post. Be back later, and don't have too much fun without me, your favorite nightmare. :) Later you all.