Noob Grey horror stories

[Office_Shredder]

This is a thread dedicated to all those times when you get into a game, and your opponent is just absolutely noob. I put grey in the title, but it can be a gold too. Y'know, the kind of guy who spams the chatbox in an attempt to disorient you, or has the name "chessexpert" so you lose when you stat him (although not anymore if I remember correctly).

I'll start it off.... I just got out of a grey game using the default setup against a grey named Rasta on army. We have a heated duel, and it ends up with each of us with a knight at 33, and he has a LW. He retreats to the LW, I retreat away from the LW, and our knights stare at each other. I suggest we draw, he decides to stall out his turns and attack with his LW and knight into nothing. After ten minutes, I decide to point out (ever so politely), that I have time to kill and don't care about my rating on army, so am more than willing to just sit there and piss him off. Meanwhile, he's losing good time to win games (which he easily could have done).

Of course, he decides not to bite for the draw, and keeps up the noobocity. Another five minutes pass, and I again suggest we draw, as he's clearly not getting the results he wants with the LW hang out. Instead, he surrenders.

Why are people so fricking stupid?

Anywho, share your noob stories here. We all like to vent once in a while

[Memnarch]

Lmfao! Thats a good one.

[nickm55]

Of course, he decides not to bite for the draw, and keeps up the noobocity.

HAH i love that word, i can use it for about everyone i play on banff recently.

[Office_Shredder]

Hehe.... Ok, here's a good one. I'm using the default grey setup on army again. My opponent has a pretty terrible setup (3 knights and a LW up front, with every other unit literally stuffed into a corner as tightly as possible). He also doesn't know how to move or attack without doing the other (though he does know how to attack before moving). So, understanding he's a newb, I try to help

me: You can move or attack without doing the other so your units can recover quicker. If you click on the hourglass at the top right of the screen, it ends your turn.
him: i know that
*proceeds to heal with cleric, then move it one space*
me: For example, you could have healed without moving and your cleric would only have to wait three turns instead of five
him: o ok. i get it now
*proceeds to move pyromancer and burn empty tiles because he doesn't have a target*
me: you could have just not burned empty space with your pyromancer, and he would only have to wait one turn
him: i know :rolleyes:
him: can u be easy on me?
me: (not liking to be "easy" on people, because I never know how easy I should be) If everyone plays easy against you, how will you ever learn to be better
him: o i got to go then

bah!

[Sangro]

This is a thread dedicated to all those times when you get into a game, and your opponent is just absolutely noob. I put grey in the title, but it can be a gold too. Y'know, the kind of guy who spams the chatbox in an attempt to disorient you, or has the name "chessexpert" so you lose when you stat him (although not anymore if I remember correctly).

I'll start it off.... I just got out of a grey game using the default setup against a grey named Rasta on army. We have a heated duel, and it ends up with each of us with a knight at 33, and he has a LW. He retreats to the LW, I retreat away from the LW, and our knights stare at each other. I suggest we draw, he decides to stall out his turns and attack with his LW and knight into nothing. After ten minutes, I decide to point out (ever so politely), that I have time to kill and don't care about my rating on army, so am more than willing to just sit there and piss him off. Meanwhile, he's losing good time to win games (which he easily could have done).

Of course, he decides not to bite for the draw, and keeps up the noobocity. Another five minutes pass, and I again suggest we draw, as he's clearly not getting the results he wants with the LW hang out. Instead, he surrenders.

Why are people so fricking stupid?

Anywho, share your noob stories here. We all like to vent once in a while

if it went thirty turns, without damage, it would of automatically drawed lol

[Punishment]

if it went thirty turns, without damage, it would of automatically drawed lol

30 without an attack, I think.

[Office_Shredder]

I thought it was thirty turns without a unit getting hit, but wasn't sure

[Punishment]

Well, he was hitting his LW, right?

I think that counts as an attack? :/

[The Second]

I'm fairly certain it is 30 turns without a unit on one team attacking a unit on the other team, could be wrong though.

[Office_Shredder]

Punishment, I assumed that's why he was attacking his LW.

Anyway, other people! Post your stories!

[phoenixofflames]

30 without an attack, I think.

it is 30 turns without an attack ON THE OTHER GUY.

if he attacks nothing, it doesnt count. if he attacks and misses, that restarts 30.

[Sangro]

alright, alright....This isn't the theory thread :\
post your stories!!!!!111!!!!1!!!one!!!11

[Azer]

Here's the most common one: when the other guy doesn't give up.

I'm playing my dual chanty set against a fontline grey rush. Being that its a rush, he manages to kill my LW, BW, witch, and knight, while I freeze his scout, assassin, knight and kill the 3 mages. He's got a 2 knights left and his cleric. Instead of surrendering, he just moves his knight back and forth. I can't move out my free chanty to freeze because she can only get one of them. So I spend my first few turns killing his frozen units.

Now I have 2 chanty's free. I take my scout and kill his cleric. So he has a LW and 2knights up against my chanty's. He runs away. B/c chanty's are just so slow, it takes me another 12 turns, before I finally corner him. Before I can win, he calls me a cheater and surrenders.

[scb]

I think he did right until he insulted you. There's always the possibility for a draw. In fact, a lone knight can always draw a lone enchantress. If it were just your two chanties against his two knights, it would have been a draw.

I would have passed continually while you killed the paralyzed units.

[Unforgottner]

lol i dont really have any noob stories, except when nub greys ask me how i got my dragon.

i remember when i was a noob, and couldnt find the Settings menu on TAO..

[Mifisto]

j00 is still a n00b :D

I got one this grey asked me were you get gold units i ignored him a couple

of times then all of a sudden he says hes gonna find my house and kill me l0lz

I just laughed at him then he left was very funny :P

[Shamus]

http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/6356/picture5gj6.png

Funny stuff.

[Azer]

I think he did right until he insulted you. There's always the possibility for a draw. In fact, a lone knight can always draw a lone enchantress. If it were just your two chanties against his two knights, it would have been a draw.

I would have passed continually while you killed the paralyzed units.

But I still have my scout and a knight. I could have ranged him to death for all I care after his cleric died.

[scb]

But I still have my scout and a knight. I could have ranged him to death for all I care after his cleric died.

Thee is always hope. You could have made a stupid mistake and lost a chanty and the scout. :p Never surrender, always go down fighting.

[Cuathon]

if it went thirty turns, without damage, it would of automatically drawed lol

30 turns without an attempt on damaging the other person. 50 turns of not doing actual damage.

[philrox]

50 turns.. really?? I had to force a draw the other day, it was a 1 hp knight and cleric vs my 16 hp knight. He smartly moved his knight beside cleric, so I couldn't front hit it. I then just.. played cat and mouse. It was a draw. :D

The sets were... a frontline rush with frost/cleric in back vs my anti. He had ga, wisp, scouts, mud,3 knights, beast rider. I had used wisp, frost, cleric, scouts, 2 knights, dragon, mud. Unfortunately, he had gotten my cleric. Usually I could still pull through.. but... with 3 knights and a cleric/frost,scout vs your 2 scouts, 2 knights, frost is a littler hard. Especially when the guys gets two direct 40% frontals on your scouts.. >.> Anyway, is it really 50 turns??? I always thought it was 30.

[teamusa]

lmao, that's awesome.
You know what's more awesome? That poor kid might be someones boss someday. Worse yet, a politician. LOL. Sounds like George Bush at age 12. No wonder we are still in Iraq.



This is a thread dedicated to all those times when you get into a game, and your opponent is just absolutely noob. I put grey in the title, but it can be a gold too. Y'know, the kind of guy who spams the chatbox in an attempt to disorient you, or has the name "chessexpert" so you lose when you stat him (although not anymore if I remember correctly).

I'll start it off.... I just got out of a grey game using the default setup against a grey named Rasta on army. We have a heated duel, and it ends up with each of us with a knight at 33, and he has a LW. He retreats to the LW, I retreat away from the LW, and our knights stare at each other. I suggest we draw, he decides to stall out his turns and attack with his LW and knight into nothing. After ten minutes, I decide to point out (ever so politely), that I have time to kill and don't care about my rating on army, so am more than willing to just sit there and piss him off. Meanwhile, he's losing good time to win games (which he easily could have done).

Of course, he decides not to bite for the draw, and keeps up the noobocity. Another five minutes pass, and I again suggest we draw, as he's clearly not getting the results he wants with the LW hang out. Instead, he surrenders.

Why are people so fricking stupid?

Anywho, share your noob stories here. We all like to vent once in a while

[Office_Shredder]

lmao, that's awesome.
You know what's more awesome? That poor kid might be someones boss someday. Worse yet, a politician. LOL. Sounds like George Bush at age 12. No wonder we are still in Iraq.

Shit, I can totally see that.... twenty years from now

"Nah, we can't pull out now... three more months of nobody dying and we get an automatic draw!"

"Sir, uh, real life doesn't work that way"

"Shut up and get me some candy!"

[Army Of One]

Well i challengend someone on Army so i assumed it went through, obviously he signed off or got into another game, well i went to challenge and it didnt go through and a grey jumped me, not the FUNNIEST story but w/e.

Me:*attacks scout and kills it*
Him: WOAH! what did you just do, that was awesome
Me: Umm, my dragon?
Him: yeah yeah! where did you get that
Me: I have 7, i won them by beating golds
Him: can you let me win so i can get one, ill be ur best friend EVER plz plz plz plz plz plzzzzz
Me: i dont know, you dont LOOK like a good friend
Him: Yeah i am, i swear
Me: Lol, im joking, im a gold, it comes with it
Him: Oh how do i get that
Me: pay $5 a month
Him: i cant afford that
-then he leaves the arena-

[teamusa]

So I just got off GL. I was waiting for a game and a new player jumped me. First thing the player does is move the cleric out to the front and proceed to heal everyone. Then the player takes the chanty and paralyzes their own witch, scout, LW, BW and second chanty... which I have NO idea how they won in the first place if they play this bad. After I kill both of the chanties the player then strikes the ground with the LW. I move my scouts into position to finish everything off. The player then attacks one of my scouts with the barrier ward, thank you. The only remaining units the player has are assasin, knight, LW, BW, witch and scout. The player then attacks their own scout with their own witch. I then paralyze the players assasin. The player then leaves the arena. I almost had tears I was laughing so hard. Wow... and I thought I was the new one....

[teamusa]

double post, please ignore.

[planktiffy]

i have a scarry story... for the noobs out there... PLANKYS GRAYING AGIAN

[Mystery)]

When I play grey I usually notice one thing, alot of greys like attacking my wards. I consider that to be nooby.

[scb]

When I play grey I usually notice one thing, alot of greys like attacking my wards. I consider that to be nooby.

Not necessarily, they make good targets for witches, especially against a powerhouse grey form with no barrier ward. It's not often I get to kill one, but it forces the opponent to attack. I keep my enchantress close, and I have two witches for blasting a scout that tries to defend the ward.

There's usually a better target than a ward, but attacking a ward isn't necessarily stupid. That's why they're killable.

And those bwards... if you can kill it, do. A bward can usually trade itself for a friendly unit or two, and it's best to take that option out of the opponent's hands. They also die quite fast compared with lightning wards.

[Azer]

When I play grey I usually notice one thing, alot of greys like attacking my wards. I consider that to be nooby.

If it looks to be a long game spread over the board (usually center v center) then taking your witch and striking a LW isn't such a bad idea. Although the first two strikes can probably be ignored, eventually they have to do something which takes pressure off of your other guys.

And BW are always good to kill. Especially if you've lost your scout and they still have a chanty.

[TACTOHOLIC]

If you cant kill anything but the BW then kill it, if you can kill anything more than the BW then kill that unit, every mobile unit worths more than a BW.

[Lonely Tylenol]

If you cant kill anything but the BW then kill it, if you can kill anything more than the BW then kill that unit, every mobile unit worths more than a BW.

Not necessarily.

In any situation where I need to break a Chanty/BW combo, I will attempt to break the Barrier before it can ever be used to its fullest potential , even over an Assassin, a Pyromancer or a Witch (but never over a Scout or Cleric unless I'm putting my last range unit at risk, and even then it's based on context). Usually I do this by luring the opponent to Barrier a unit, Scout hit the Barrier Ward, then Pyromancer attack for the kill, before it can ever be used to guard an Enchantress.

Once the BW is dead, you can get ANY three attacks off on a Chanty except for three consecutive Pyromancer attacks in the move-act recovery time and kill it, even with a heal. This isn't possible with the Barrier Ward, because your opponent can Barrier after the first turn, guard on the second (if Barrier is broken), heal on the third (if Chanty's attacked), and at this point the only thing that kills before re-Focus are two Witch-burns.

I'd rather kill the Barrier Ward over most mobile units, actually. The other units have more worth individually, but this isn't a one-unit game. :)

I coulda sworn I had posted a story here when this thread first showed up! ... Guess not. There are so many to look through! Wherever shall I start?

[Azer]

Probably the only units worth killing over a BW (provided that one shot will kill any of them) are scouts and clerics. The opportunities to kill BW are low, and BW can be very frustrating. On the other hand, mages are quite easy to kill, and their 3-turn wait makes that job even easier. Knights are the slowest non-mage unit and can always be frozen.

Keep in mind that two knights with cleric and scout support can kill everything except a BW + chanty combo. (and LW for that matter)

[TACTOHOLIC]

Of course there are specific cases, it could worth more to kill a pyro rather than a cleric on a situation, I'm talking generally... I see BW as a death delayer, I dont see any risk by letting it alive, I havent lost in ages by a chanty/bw combo, you just need to charge effectively with 4-5 units and it would be a wasted unit. 10 mobile units>8+2 wards.

[Office_Shredder]

you just need to charge effectively with 4-5 units and it would be a wasted unit. 10 mobile units>8+2 wards.

You JUST need a 5 unit perfectly timed rush to break the chanty.

No pressure

[jake shep94]

I got a good noob story.
it was on legends

Him: Wow who did you get that dragon and those other cool units.
Me: upgrade.
Him: how?
Me: Go in the lobby and click the blue link and then follow the instructions.
Him: what's the lobby?
Me: Omg you don't know what the lobby is?
Him: no what is it?
Me: its when you log in and you see other people in the lobby.
Him: oh, ok
Me: BTW you need to play $20 to upgrade.
Him: how do you upgrade?

This is actually true, heh noobs these days.

[TACTOHOLIC]

You JUST need a 5 unit perfectly timed rush to break the chanty.

No pressure

I always manage to arrange it, so I JUST need 5 units :) Obviously the other player could put pressure, however you can calculate the outcome if its convenient for you.

[Lonely Tylenol]

I always manage to arrange it, so I JUST need 5 units :) Obviously the other player could put pressure, however you can calculate the outcome if its convenient for you.

Yeah, dude, I have been ousted by a Chanty/BW rush roughly twice in the last year, and in both of those games I had lost my Scout early on to harsh frontals/bad play (before killing the BW) and my opponent was smart enough to bum-rush my mages before even TRYING to chanty-whore.

I'm telling you, you HAVE to keep your opponent from getting off a decent Chanty attack and then Barriering, and the simplest and often easiest way to do that is kill the Barrier Ward. I've had cases where I killed the Barrier Ward and later lost my Scout, would get two Knights hit up by a Chanty and end up freeing them both in two moves with a wayward Assassin, killing it in two more with Knights.

You can never do that if your opponent has a Barrier Ward.

[TACTOHOLIC]

You can have a unit to defocus bw when used, and scout at the back to support?
EDIT. It is simplier to go directly to the enchantress than to kill the bw first.

[I'malive24/7]

This isn't much of a sotry, but it was annoying anyway. I was playing some noob grey a little while ago, and he was crazy impatient. Every time my timer got more than half way through, he would be like "go! why haven't you gone yet!". The last time he did that, he was like "GO! i don't have much time". I finished my turn at 5:10...by 5:20, he still hadn't gone. then 5:30. and finally at 5:38 "Killer69 has left the arena"

After the first 10 minutes, I went to eat Supper ^_^

[Anarchy_United]

I once beat with only 3 units. I had just played a 3 unit game, and forgot to change set. I convinced him I had invisible dragon that appeared after he killed my knights. I then killed almost all his units with 2 knights, then froze 1 scout+3 knights.

[Deepsea]

1) I think is name was P*I*M*p anyways, I had my gold laid out on a table, so then he jumps me, we begin to play, he asks me if I was a girl I didn't reply. Time is going by so we keep playing, then I checked the time on my computer and it said 6:36 pm, I told the guy to move faster, because I had to go some where, but what a dumbass I was for telling him, he stalled the game, at 6:45pm I just, left the arena and the noob got my stats. But atleast I made it to the place I wanted to go in time.


That's not a real intenced story but it pretty much pissed me off.

~Deep

[Vash2000]

Lol!!! thats a noob for ya.

[Shaddix]

I wish I remember some of my noob grey stories, but I don't, oh well.....

[BlackSyphon]

opponent: hi
me: hey
o: are you new?
m: no
o: can you go easy?
m: no
o: Do you know the F5 trick?
m: no
o: You just hit the F5 key for free units.
**30 seconds or so**
o: Did you do it? (what a dumbass!)
m: no
o: Why?
m: Because I heard hitting the power button works even better.
** opponent has left the arena**

I dont remeber who it was with, but I remember having this exact conversation with someone. Quite entertaining.

du

[AusIV]

I have two different strategies i use. My primary account uses a chanty and two barrier wards. I generally try to take out long range units quickly, then collect units as they come too close to my chanty. Someone who is fairly sharp can break through, but I've beaten some people with 1300+ stats (my own are about 1150). Every so often this ends in a draw, as all of my attacking units are dead and my opponent won't come close to my enchantress. Usually people will just pass a few times, but I've had a few people who kept wandering around the arena thinking eventually I'll give up. Little do they know that after 30 turns, the game ends in a draw.

My other strategy is a fairly new one. I decided to create a new account and see how well I could do with the default setup. I was amazed how quickly my stats soared. I always used to see the default setup and think "oh god, I just got noob jumped," but recently I've had a few people enter the arena with me and go "wtf, 975 stats and you're still using the default setup?"

The default setup really is remarkably effective.

[BlackSyphon]

This one was great...

http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/8706/nubconv1xh5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

du

[Chaos 4.0]

XD That was funny.

[Buster]

This one was great...

http://img113.imageshack.us/img113/8706/nubconv1xh5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

du

Thats good, :D

[The Wild]

I remember when i was a noob, and i didn't know how to get a lightning ward. Stupid me, i thought you were supposed to attack your enemies lightning ward to gain control of it. I can't believe how stupid i was. :rolleyes:

And BlackSyphon, that's hilarious!

[Unforgottner]

Syphon, thats funny as hell.

[Shadow Hunter]

i agree

[Azer]

Why does du always have the hilarious ones?

[scb]

I recently had someone try to get me to push 'k' ten times... I asked for a demonstration. He put single k's on two lines. I did the same. He insisted that there should be ten, so after some disputing I relented and put two lines with five k's apiece. I did that multiple times, and he decided that he should just tell me that it worked and I got the furgon drop he had promised me, but I needed to press f5 to see it right away. I told him I was using Mozilla and f5 doesn't work there. He then told me to press escape. I had never heard that one before, so taking no chances I beat him (I was one move away from the win at that point) and pressed escape immediately afterwards. It brought up the chat line. :D

[BlackSyphon]

lol yeah, the greatest is when you play along with them, and then suddenly your like woah! A dragon just appeared in my settings, thanks dude. It's even greater when they "follow" your lead. :)

du

[scb]

I believe he also told me to hit ctrl+w, just before escape. I tested that on notepad and it did nothing, so I told him it didn't work. A while after that game I did it to a plaintext website and it closed the browser tab. So, I was wrong, that would have kicked me out.

[BlackSyphon]

not so a much a horror story, but still good for a laugh :)

http://img485.imageshack.us/img485/4569/yeahzm9.jpg

Edit: I see this may require a tad of explanation. This guy simply left after I typed in "you lose", which, ironically was only the second move of the game :)

du

[scb]

not so a much a horror story, but still good for a laugh :)

http://img485.imageshack.us/img485/4569/yeahzm9.jpg

du

I don't get it...