Memorable (disastrous) dates

[Daemon Bloodmaw]

So last night, I had my first date with this really great girl. We really hit it off, she's hot, funny, easy to be around, etc. The only catch is she lives far away (hour and a half, across the NH border) because I met her at a club. We basically spent the whole night just playing around parks, fields & stuff, I didn't want to drive an hour to sit in front of a movie screen or something normal like that. Night's going great, picture-perfect, it's time to go home and I start driving back. Can't wait to see her again.

About 20 minutes from her house, right over the state border & on the highway, my car lurches forward, drops forward like a ton of bricks and sparks start shooting out from under my car. I pull off the road and there's smoke just pouring from my hood. Bear in mind that this happened right about 11:45, right before Friday the 13th.

Turns out I blew a piston through the engine block and trashed my motor. My car was just waiting to die apparently, I thought I'd get more life out of it than I did though but at least I didn't get hurt. I ended up crashing on her couch for the night at like 2AM & staying up til 4:30 with her & her sister watching cartoons. Talk about awkward though.

Not bad for a first date, huh? Sure as hell won't forget this one. All in all still a great night, not letting it ruin the experience.

So now I'm curious to see what kinda curveballs have hit you guys on your dates.

[Silver Coast]

Lol you could say that it was embarassing. But she didn't care right? :p

[AlabamaBoy]

Hehehe.

I have a good one.

My dad was living with this woman for a around six months. Her daughter, my dad, and his girlfriend all went to the lake for a weekend. The second night we were there, after dinner my dad and samantha went down to the lake for a few hours. During this period of time I started realizing how hot her daughter was.

I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.

It's a very cliche story.

Don't judge me.

[Zephyr]

Blonde?

[Forest_Archer]

Hehehe.

I have a good one.

My dad was living with this woman for a around six months. Her daughter, my dad, and his girlfriend all went to the lake for a weekend. The second night we were there, after dinner my dad and samantha went down to the lake for a few hours. During this period of time I started realizing how hot her daughter was.

I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.

It's a very cliche story.

Don't judge me.

haha thats funny, and you're lucky its not really insest, is it? :\

[AlabamaBoy]

It's not.

[uniquinous]

actually that sounds like a really good night - am i missing something?

so, one mini-disaster I had (it's really miniscule) was with a long term relationship. On some ovens that area underneath is for extra storage. This is the kind I'm used to, and generally hoard all my extra pots there. But, I wasn't at my place, and apparently on some ovens, it's a broiler. We were sitting around and smelt a really noxious odor. Turns out I was melting the handles off all all the pots in the broiler. :dry: we had to leave the apartment for a while to avoid the cancer in the air.

[inked]

Senior Year and Alcohol.

Friends parents are out for the week, you know what that means. Parrrrtaay!

Some of my friends told me that this was going to be a party I will never forget. I was slow. I think that means I am getting hammered and having a fun drunken time! I arrived at the party and started to drink with some of my friends.

A little bit of time passes and I am very buzzed. A beautiful girl comes into the party and my friend introduces me to her. We start drinking together and as time passes I am drunk and she is getting there. Her friend tells me that its time.

Time for what?!
Time to go upstairs with my new friend.

I am so hammered I cant understand wtf that means so I keep drinking and saying stupid drunk stuff to this amazing girl I just met. The girl goes in to kiss me. I look deeply into her eyes and tell her:
"You look like Drew."
"What?"
"You know. Drew the guy I get naked in the locker room with him."
"Drew's my brother."

Oops. No happy ending. :(

___________________

Smoothie Smooth

My gay friend works at this smoothie place called Jamba Juice. One day he tells me that their is a girl so hot he would turn straight for her. Holy shit, that must be my dream girl!

Anyways about a week passes and he has been talking to her during that time about me. She wants to meet me and wants to go to Great America (theme park) with me. Woot. Date with a hottie!

Right after school I head to Jamba Juice. I walk in and she is the best looking girl I have EVER seen. She notices me watching her and stops serving her customers and comes over to me. We sit down and start talking. She not only is beautiful she has an amazing personality and is smart.

She asks me if I want a smoothie and I say yes please. She stands up and I watch her walk to the register and then I follow her there. I have a raging boner. I order her favorite smootie and sit down in one of those tall chairs in and try and adjust myself when she is making my smoothie. You know when it gets kinda hard to adjust and then your hand gets kinda stuck? Yeah. Then she turns and smiles at me and I try and quickly pull my hand out of my pants. I end up falling face first on the floor with my hand down my pants and the chair tangled around my ankles.

Most embarrassing moment ever. After the laughing, then there was more of a are you okay laughing, then the giggle, then she was cool. We saw each other a few more times. Sure was one hell of an ice breaker.
____________________________
Navy Bootcamp Graduation

8 weeks without masturbation or females.
It's liberty weekend and this boot camp graduate girl asks me if I want to hang out. OH YEAH I DO. So I say "Sure why not?".

We get a cab with her friend and the friend's picked guy. We are going to see Pirates of the Carribean 3.

We get seated and as the movie progresses she makes move like a girlfriend would. You know, the head on the shoulders staring at you while kind of half sitting on your lap? Yeah well if she knew what was good for her she better get out of my view of Johnny Depp and get back in her seat. Nope, she stays and we watch the movie like that. After the movie I ask her why she paid for a movie and watched me and that was a huge waste of money.

She takes me to the hotel across the road. Cool. I could use a nap. We go to the room and the other leave for the "pool". There are a few awkward minutes that go by before she sits on the bed and says "I am bored". The genius I am says "Hey! Let's go swimming.". :(

Anyways she looks at me like I am retarded and tells me to change into my swimsuit. I take off my pants and put on my swimsuit as she changes in the bathroom. The bathroom door is open, so naturally... I turn on the TV. Hey, no TV for 8 weeks is hard!

Anyways we go swimming then head back to base. I tell my friends and they litterally kick me in the balls for not sleeping with her. Then she shows up at our compartment. All the guys go wild as she requests to talk to me. She tells me " Hey, we could still make up for what we missed out on. Meet me at 2am at the female laundry room".

I sleep all night and ship off to Virginia the next day.

Teach her to get in my way of Johnny Depp. <3

But seriously I suck with girls. :(

[The AIDS Virus]

wow inked... you have an interesting umm... way with girls?...

[Unforgottner]

I have a raging boner.

This cracked me up.

[gryph89]

Well, my senior year in highschool, I dated a girl into sports, who was actually hot...I know, weird right?

Anyways, the day went frigging awesome, movies, dinner, playing baseball with a couple of the other peeps we both hung around with. Anyways, We all went back to my house, and I decided to take a shower beforehand, cause like...we were mad dirty from the baseball field, anyways, I have a very bad water leak in the floor, note that me and my dad are plumbers, we just didn't feel like ripping up the floor and replaceing the piping this week.

So she's on the couch, and my friends left, she's sitting on my computer, and a huge CRASH comes rolling through the apartment. Turns out the tub went through the floor, and I fell out of it, we ended up having to pay the people downstairs for the damages to their bathroom, and I'm sitting in my bathroom after diving out of the tub, naked wondering what the hell happened. I knocked my head really bad on the the sink, and ended up having to go to the hospital, she drove me.

I called my parents from her cell phone in the emergency room, and told them not to go into the bathroom on the answering machine. They get home, see it...I'll never forget that.

[Hatchet Warrior]

That should have been caught on tape for scared man.
Happy your okay though

[gryph89]

That should have been caught on tape for scared man.
Happy your okay though

haha, yeah, If my dude Jeff was there he would of took a picture of me.

Thank god I fell face down though...lol

[iceman2001]

Well, I think I've given most of my best out in other threads. A quick review:

1) Date and I walk in to her house to see her parents doing it on the family room floor.

2) Girl with really long hair almost chokes me to death with her the tangled mess after a night's forray.

3) I get so drunk I throw up on her floor. I don't have the balls to own up to it, so cover it up with some of her clothes from her hamper.

Anyway...although the following story is by comparison lame, it is actually by far the most embarressing to me. I had a blind date ("screw dance") with a great girl maybe two weeks into my freshman year of college. I hadn't quite come to terms with my "sexual duality" at this point, nor had I had nearly as much heavy drinking experience. A few drinks in, I apparently started paying way too much attention to my Senior XC captain at the party, and far too little to the girl who was (and still is) very attractive. It gave me an image I was far from comfortable with at a very small school. Like 90% of bi guys, now I ALWAYS err on the side of being straight. With virtually no exceptions. With guys, I know the attraction is there, but don't act on it.

[dirka dirka]

I got one. But I edited it because I don't want any of you knowing, too recent.

[Scorpionz]

My mate asks me to go to the movies with him to catch some chick flick with some other "friends".

Amazingly one of those friends happens to be his girlfriend and im already starting to get annoyed at him.

Then I turn to this other girl that is about the same age as me and is WAY hot..

I do the yawn move (man..what a cliche) and she just moves closer to me.

She puts her head on my shoulders and I go to grab some popcorn and SLAM her in the face. I was so freakin embarrased it was not funny.

Im like sorry sorry sorry sorry and she just says you can make it up to me in another way. O_o

That was like a couple days ago...so I don't know what she means.

But im hoping.

[Daemon Bloodmaw]

It was pointed out to me that my date was still pretty damn good, minus the car bit. So just clarifying that it wasn't a disaster in my case ;)

Inked.. I'm hoping that last story is fake, either way though, stupid rep system. And ice's 3rd story? Friggin' hilarious. You should've told her it was her vomit too haha. Scorpz, it means call her :p

[phoenixofflames]

Yeah. i mean... I'm bored "lets swim" i'ma change with the door open "yay TV" lets make up what we didnt do in the laundry room "mmm sleep comfy bed".

Dude. she was desperate. and you didnt even frikkin look.

[Rogue_Wolf]

Well, mine aren't disastrous. Just some things that have happened to my girlfriend while she was around me that are kinda funny.

The first is an accomplishment in my book. Me and her are sitting in the floor in front of her TV. No one is around, which is rare when we're at her house, but we're behaving. Anyway, we're just watching TV and I forget what we were talking about, but apparently something I said was funny cause she was laughing. So I kept joking with her, and she kept laughing. All of the sudden, I hear a fart noise and her eyes get HUGE! I knew I didn't do it (And have still today never flatulated in her presence! Which is another accomplishment I suppose), and nobody was around. So I naturally I rang out, "Haha! You pooted!" I get the "No I didn't! Shut up! *Slap on the arm*" response, shortly followed by the, "OMG! I can't believe I did that!" response, which was shortly followed by the "Don't you ever tell anyone about this!" response. Anyway, I found it hilarious and it didn't bug me at all. It didn't even smell. But...five minutes later, we're still joking. She's still laughing. Suddenly, I hear another poot noise. SHE POOTED AGAIN!!! At this point I'm in a roll on the floor laughing. Her face is reder than a cherry, and I start comforting her that its ok and that I'll never tell a soul about what happened.

Another time, I was coming over to her house. I get there, and she's upstairs. I call for her, and she tells me she's coming. So I stand at the bottom of the stairs waiting on her to come down. A minute later, I see her appear at the top with her blanket, that I gave to her as a present, wrapped around her waist, and she starts walking down her wooden staircase. She gets two steps down, slips on her blanket, and slides halfway down the stairs on her butt. She just starts laughing, and I'm running up the steps to see if she's ok. She was perfectly fine, and only bruised her ego. I think that today remains her most embarrassing moment.

And most recently, she kneed me in the face while she was climbing over me to get out of a minivan (I was attempting to block her way). She keeps life interesting.

-Rogue_Wolf

[Hatchet Warrior]

I vote Rogue funiest poster award

[Merdoc.]

Well, one time, I was down stairs with my girl friend (at the time) and everyone was asleep and it was dark. So we started to do the regular. Turns out we didn't here the mom come down.

We were lucky she switched on the light blinding herself, but she just looked at the her daughter with the stare of *whore.* I just laughed after she left and told her she got ownd.

Btw, hit that shit up.

I hear a fart noise and her eyes get HUGE! I knew I didn't do it (And have still today never flatulated in her presence! Which is another accomplishment I suppose)

Dude, the worst part is when you acually start to become really close the the girl. WEIRD THINGS THAT YOU WOULD NEVER THINK SHE DOES HAPPENS.

[FryLock]

About a year and a half ago, 2 of my best friends were getting married in Portland.

So, since I had some moolah from my summer job, I asked my then-girlfriend if she wanted to get out of Eugene and spend the weekend in a nice Portland hotel, a bit of a mini-vacation.

The wedding was great, and we had Sunday to ourselves in Portland. We went to dinner at this Cuban restaurant, that had GREAT, but very, very flavorful food. I ate a lot. Flash forward to us back in the hotel, she's very happy about the fun weekend, and we are just about to start "celebrating" when I hear my stomach gurgle. And I feel a pain in my gut. Oh lord. And you know, you can tell when it's gonna be bad. I could tell. Man, could I tell. I jumped off her and rocketed into the bathroom. Unfortunately, despite the nice-ness of the hotel, the bathroom fan didn't work in our room. "No big deal," we thought when we checked in. We were wrong. So, she's in there sitting on the bed, and I am, er, exploding at a rather alarming rate. So she can hear it. And, because of the flavorful Cuban food and the broken fan...yeah...her hearing wasn't the only sense that was assaulted.

I'd been with her for over a year at that point, so it wasn't a big deal, she just teased me a lot and opened the window. We broke up a good while back, but remain friends, and somehow, that story always comes into play.

[Merdoc.]

Touche

[uniquinous]

rogue wolf is the cutest, iceman's are the worst, inked's are the best :p

[Daemon Bloodmaw]

I wonder what the difference between queefing and pooting is..

[uniquinous]

.. ...

anyone else wanna take this one?

nvm - go to urbandictionary.com ...

p.s. - that was innocently adorable

[FryLock]

I wonder what the difference between queefing and pooting is..

You're can't be serious...one comes from the butt, and one, er, doesn't. And only females can do the one that doesn't.

[AlabamaBoy]

*giggles*

I needed a laugh.

[KickAssPlaya]

You're can't be serious...one comes from the butt, and one, er, doesn't. And only females can do the one that doesn't.

You have to err.. understand who you were talking to. ;)

~KAP

[gryph89]

I'll quote George Carlin on this one : "Pussy Farts!"

[AKGhostGunn3r]

About a year and a half ago, 2 of my best friends were getting married in Portland.

So, since I had some moolah from my summer job, I asked my then-girlfriend if she wanted to get out of Eugene and spend the weekend in a nice Portland hotel, a bit of a mini-vacation.

The wedding was great, and we had Sunday to ourselves in Portland. We went to dinner at this Cuban restaurant, that had GREAT, but very, very flavorful food. I ate a lot. Flash forward to us back in the hotel, she's very happy about the fun weekend, and we are just about to start "celebrating" when I hear my stomach gurgle. And I feel a pain in my gut. Oh lord. And you know, you can tell when it's gonna be bad. I could tell. Man, could I tell. I jumped off her and rocketed into the bathroom. Unfortunately, despite the nice-ness of the hotel, the bathroom fan didn't work in our room. "No big deal," we thought when we checked in. We were wrong. So, she's in there sitting on the bed, and I am, er, exploding at a rather alarming rate. So she can hear it. And, because of the flavorful Cuban food and the broken fan...yeah...her hearing wasn't the only sense that was assaulted.

I'd been with her for over a year at that point, so it wasn't a big deal, she just teased me a lot and opened the window. We broke up a good while back, but remain friends, and somehow, that story always comes into play.
Haha, I almost died laughing. :lol:

[Rogue_Wolf]

It wasn't a queef. I didn't even know what that is until I followed Uniq's advice and went to urban dictionary...my eyes are watering...

3. Queef 1072 up, 515 down

Air expulsion from the vaginal area usually after sex. In the eighteenth century, it was common practice for small groups of well-to-do Southern women to each lift up their corsets and "queef" at their leisure on warm, summer afternoons. Typically performed on balconies or porches, these women would insert various large objects in their TOOTS and slowly pull them out to create the desired sound. These "porch parties" would provide hours of fun for the ladies while the men were away, and, from a practical standpoint, at times, enough air circulation as a respite from the brutal summer heat. Small wagers were often placed with the winner going to longest continuous queef, highest pitch, lowest pitch, smelliest, and wettest. There was also the queef sing-a-long; and a special prize was given to any women whose queef could attract wildlife.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So this is what girls do when they have sleepovers...and why they go to bathrooms in pairs! I hope there wasn't anything inappropriate in that, but it was just too funny to keep to myself!


rogue wolf is the cutest

Teehee! You think so Uniq? :blush2:

-Rogue_Wolf

[AKGhostGunn3r]

It wasn't a queef. I didn't even know what that is until I followed Uniq's advice and went to urban dictionary...my eyes are watering...



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So this is what girls do when they have sleepovers...and why they go to bathrooms in pairs! I hope there wasn't anything inappropriate in that, but it was just too funny to keep to myself!




Teehee! You think so Uniq? :blush2:

-Rogue_Wolf
Haha, that was hilarious.

[TeXaS LoNgHoRnS]

ok, so my town has this thing called the chili cook-off (you all should know what it is...pretty self explainetory) and i had a date, and i took her there, and we were having a great time, laughing the whole time, and i was on a roll...all my jokes were going well, and everything was working out...

And so im walking around with her, and i get this weird ass text from ym cousin (who was staying at my house for a week at the time) and hes like "dude, i stained the couch..." so im like "ok, whatever" this is a great night, so i didnt even think twice about it...

So, i come home, and my parents are out to dinner, and my cousin is with my sister, and we have the house to ourselves...so we get in the front door, and shes like, "i had alot of fun tonight" and i said "yea, i did too.." and as soon as i say that, she like jumps on me, and we start making out....

So, we are going at it...like, one of those ones, where you like just disregard all your possesions, and throw everything on your table off...so, we do that, and we happen to go the table where my computer is, and i pick her up on the table with her back to my computer screen...

And i start to hear this moaning, and im like, damn, either im a good kisser, or she gets off fast...so the moaning gets louder and faster, and she stops kissing me, and looks at me...and then i realize what happened...so, perfectly, almost like in a movie, we both turn around, and look down at my computer, and see a hardcore porn going labled "Jared's (my cousin) stash"

and she just goes...uhhh...i have to go, and she puts her shirt back on, and leaves...

so yeaaa...pretty much after that i call jared and scream at him for about 10 minutes about what an idiot he is....and it turns out that he permenantly stained my couch..

[Cuathon]

ouch?

[T Solo]

I start comforting her that its ok and that I'll never tell a soul about what happened.


Good job keeping that promise :p

[Rogue_Wolf]

Pshhhhh, you guys don't count. ;)

-Rogue_Wolf

[Cuathon]

oh really? im a great stalker. ill track her down and tell her you told us :)

[Silver Coast]

oh really? im a great stalker. ill track her down and tell her you told us :)

I have no doubt in your skill of stalking :p.

Rogue, you better watch out >.<

[Cuathon]

shush silver. you ho.

[AKGhostGunn3r]

Wow, Texas, that sucks. D:

[Daemon Bloodmaw]

For the record, I did know what the difference was, but the opportunity to ask was just too great ;)

But the encyclopedia record? Ewwwwwww. Good thing I was never really interested in southern belle's because that'd be an image shattered.

And Tex, not only is your sig awesome, but you'd be justified in kicking your cousin in the balls there. 100% justified, no penalties by man law.

[Silver Coast]

shush silver. you ho.

I'm your 13th wife :dry:

NOT SOME HO!! :angry:

[nads]

Asking me to reply to this is like asking me to write a book. If I start I'll never stop.

This is the funniest quote ever...

I have a raging boner. .

[Northwind]

OK, so mine's not really a "date," but it was fairly embarrassing.

I was going to the Bahamas with a number of people from my school for spring break in college. To get to the plane, we all rode together on a bus for several hours to the airport. I was psyched that I got to sit next to this girl I knew a tiny bit on the bus ride. She was way cute and I'd already been flirting with her a bit during the several times I'd seen her before. She willingly sat down next to me and we had a great conversation for the first part of the bus ride - joking and laughing together and whatnot. I was kinda hoping that things would develop over the vacation and then maybe once we got back to school. After a while we were quiet and she fell asleep on my shoulder during the latter part of the ride.

This was all cool with me. However, she fell really deeply asleep and, while she was sleeping, slipped from my shoulder to my lap. Face down on my lap. I then have this very attractive girl with her face directly on my lap breathing warmly onto my crotch. My reaction was predictable and could be well explained in the words of inked that nads quotes.

I didn't really know whether to wake her (in which case she couldn't help but notice my condition right now) or let her sleep (in which case she couldn't help but notice my condition when she woke up). So I let her sleep. A half hour or so later when the bus came to a stop, she stirred and I see part of her left eye open a bit (as that was the one that I could see a bit of). I then see her eye get wide before she sat straight up and got immediately off of the bus (that had stopped at the airport). For the rest of the vacation, she wouldn't quite meet my eye and nothing really ever happened between us. :(

Several years later, I was describing the situation to a friend who (I didn't realize) knew her. As I'm telling the story he goes "holy shit! YOU'RE that guy? She told me a story about falling asleep in some guy's lap and waking up laying on his dick."

[The AIDS Virus]

OMG! You're that guy!? I know of you.