Faulty Logic
12-26-2008, 02:50 AM
This one happens to be from the Therapeutic Boarding School, Carlbrook.org.
Workshops are where you go into an intensive group therapy session all day 8 AM to about 3AM. During this time you cannot communicate verbally or non verbally (including eye contact) unless directed to by a faculty member. this is to make sure you are constantly thinking about what is going on and what has happened and you cant get it out of your head except for in writing in your journal.
Third Workshop: Animus -- "Life soul etc"
Day One:
We go over "Honor lists" a complete list of every rule we've broken, we have to stay standing until everyone comes clean on everything. this took 4 hours. After this We had some discussions about life and death etc (this was a place where a lot of kids who did massive amounts of drugs went to) and how our choices in everyday life dictated our decision to live or die.
At the end of the night after eating our ham sandwiches (/yum!:dry:) we come back into the room and there are fake drugs on the floor (I'm prettysure they were real though) and pieces of paper with "self-hate" words written on them. (Druggie, ugly, failure, creep, unwanted, alone, broken, slut ...etc) and someone we all knew who was lying down face down on the ground... then we heard hammering on the door and three of our friends (older students in the school) came in and reenacted a drug overdose scene.... pretty scary stuff at 2am and the fact that you know those kids well and you've heard them talk about OD's before....
on that note they tell you to grab your journal and leave and walk the 1/ mile back to our dorms in silence just mulling over what we just saw in our heads....
Day Two:
we were givena white piece of paper and black sharpie and asked to draw our "soul" there was this hideous and depressing music that sounded like a creepy version of cabaret playing really loud, meanwhile the older students who were supporting you through the workshop and the faculty would come around and say things like, "thats too pretty, your soul is uglier than that, come one be honest you're not that clean...etc" so basically everyone is cryin and bawlin and drawin real fucked up stuff on their paper...then we have to go on break and journal about what we drew and why....
we then come back and our drawings are all in a collag eon one side of the room and then our "dreams" from our first workshop are on the other...they asked us to line up single file according to who was closer to waht part of them...life (dream) or death (drawing). So everyone is pushing each other back trying to get to the death wall cuz thats how they make you feel and you're all messed up cuz you're best friend is trying to push you out of the way cuz they think they deserve to die more than you...and it gets real crazy....
then after this they group you with another person who has a similar situation as you and you have to look them in the eyes and tell them every negative thing you think about hem while they stare back and you and nod their head in agreement.... then they do it to you.
Then you take your partner and put them in a "failure sculpture" which symbolizes how they will end up if they dont fix their shit. this gets real intense b/c they make you walk around and look at everyone's sculpture and its really messed up.. (girls on their backs leg spread, guys shooting themselves...and these are all your closest friends so it feels so damn real)
then we have some more exercises i cant remember along the lines of negative thoughts...(these get real fucked up real fast) and then we all go in front of everyone and tell everyone our "negative statement". this has to be in the form of "I stand for being _____" and the ____________ uis the reason why everything is the way it is... (examples are, broken, worthless waste of space, burden, fuck up, horrible son, never good enough...etc) this is the point of view we carry with us in our every day life that justifies our failures and takes away our accomplishments.
at the end of this (its about 2-3 am now) they bring out these big pillows and sofa cushions and we have to do this thing where we physically beat them while thinking of all of the negative thoughts and our Negative Statement.... mean while they are going around whispering in your ear and yelling at you the disclosures (thing you keep secret) and other fucked up shit from your past as "motivation".
after this you go to bed
Day Three:
the last day is usually the last day is an easy one... not so.
we start off the day with a quick recap... then they tell us to all lay down and they start a "guided visual" where we are completing the workshop, and going on a cruise to celebrate.. but then the cruise starts to go down.... they tell us to sit up....
In the room there are 15 people of your closest friends
in the center of the room are 3 chairs
they say that only three people can get on the "lifeboat" from the cruise ship.
so now you are fighting to get on a seat b/c well you dont wanna die (even though you know its not real the psychology behind it makes you understand the premise)
at the end of the fighting, we are told we get 1 minute to tell everyone why we should get a seat on the lifeboat. after the one minute for everyone they tell us we get three "live votes".
we get into a circle and one person steps forward (into the center of the circle) and then stands directly in front of the person next to them. You are only allowed to look them in the eyes and say,"you live/ you die."
You can only vote "you live" 3 times. Its very hard looking at some of your closest friends and telling them, "You die"
I got 0 live votes form my peers.
after this whole thing they tally up the votes and the top three get a seat then we all get 30 seconds to give them our last words to our family.
We then go around and tell everyone why we did/did not vote for them to live.
After this we get told that everyone dies form the crash (event he life boat) and we have to go into the break room and write our own Obituaries and Last Words to our families. We get one side of paper for each, and its real hard to focus at this point cuz your emotions re all over the place...
When we come back into the room the workshop staff and student supports are all wearing black and all the lights are off. they use flashlights to guide us to our seats where in front of us is a shrine where each of our items we brought with us at the beginning of the workshop is placed on display (cards form paretns gifts from lil brother etc)
we stand up, read our Obituary and Last Words in front of everyone by flashlight one by one. When we are done reading they remove your chair and take you to the back of the room where they then proceed to lay you down cross your arms on your chest and say "rest in peace ____" and that's you dead. this goes on until everyone has read their Obituaries and Last Words and we've all been on the ground for a while feeling like total shit. The leading faculty asks us to stand up if we are ready to fight for our right to live instead of making choices that lead us down the path to an early funeral..we all stand up really shaken, and all of the kids in the school that have been through the workshop before us come in with lit candles to symbolize the fire of life and we all are mad emotional cuz its like ridiculously taxing and its crazy and you're so happy you can speak to someone and that you're alive and its crazy.
..yeah thats one of the many stories i've got form my 16 ish months of therapy....
Workshops are where you go into an intensive group therapy session all day 8 AM to about 3AM. During this time you cannot communicate verbally or non verbally (including eye contact) unless directed to by a faculty member. this is to make sure you are constantly thinking about what is going on and what has happened and you cant get it out of your head except for in writing in your journal.
Third Workshop: Animus -- "Life soul etc"
Day One:
We go over "Honor lists" a complete list of every rule we've broken, we have to stay standing until everyone comes clean on everything. this took 4 hours. After this We had some discussions about life and death etc (this was a place where a lot of kids who did massive amounts of drugs went to) and how our choices in everyday life dictated our decision to live or die.
At the end of the night after eating our ham sandwiches (/yum!:dry:) we come back into the room and there are fake drugs on the floor (I'm prettysure they were real though) and pieces of paper with "self-hate" words written on them. (Druggie, ugly, failure, creep, unwanted, alone, broken, slut ...etc) and someone we all knew who was lying down face down on the ground... then we heard hammering on the door and three of our friends (older students in the school) came in and reenacted a drug overdose scene.... pretty scary stuff at 2am and the fact that you know those kids well and you've heard them talk about OD's before....
on that note they tell you to grab your journal and leave and walk the 1/ mile back to our dorms in silence just mulling over what we just saw in our heads....
Day Two:
we were givena white piece of paper and black sharpie and asked to draw our "soul" there was this hideous and depressing music that sounded like a creepy version of cabaret playing really loud, meanwhile the older students who were supporting you through the workshop and the faculty would come around and say things like, "thats too pretty, your soul is uglier than that, come one be honest you're not that clean...etc" so basically everyone is cryin and bawlin and drawin real fucked up stuff on their paper...then we have to go on break and journal about what we drew and why....
we then come back and our drawings are all in a collag eon one side of the room and then our "dreams" from our first workshop are on the other...they asked us to line up single file according to who was closer to waht part of them...life (dream) or death (drawing). So everyone is pushing each other back trying to get to the death wall cuz thats how they make you feel and you're all messed up cuz you're best friend is trying to push you out of the way cuz they think they deserve to die more than you...and it gets real crazy....
then after this they group you with another person who has a similar situation as you and you have to look them in the eyes and tell them every negative thing you think about hem while they stare back and you and nod their head in agreement.... then they do it to you.
Then you take your partner and put them in a "failure sculpture" which symbolizes how they will end up if they dont fix their shit. this gets real intense b/c they make you walk around and look at everyone's sculpture and its really messed up.. (girls on their backs leg spread, guys shooting themselves...and these are all your closest friends so it feels so damn real)
then we have some more exercises i cant remember along the lines of negative thoughts...(these get real fucked up real fast) and then we all go in front of everyone and tell everyone our "negative statement". this has to be in the form of "I stand for being _____" and the ____________ uis the reason why everything is the way it is... (examples are, broken, worthless waste of space, burden, fuck up, horrible son, never good enough...etc) this is the point of view we carry with us in our every day life that justifies our failures and takes away our accomplishments.
at the end of this (its about 2-3 am now) they bring out these big pillows and sofa cushions and we have to do this thing where we physically beat them while thinking of all of the negative thoughts and our Negative Statement.... mean while they are going around whispering in your ear and yelling at you the disclosures (thing you keep secret) and other fucked up shit from your past as "motivation".
after this you go to bed
Day Three:
the last day is usually the last day is an easy one... not so.
we start off the day with a quick recap... then they tell us to all lay down and they start a "guided visual" where we are completing the workshop, and going on a cruise to celebrate.. but then the cruise starts to go down.... they tell us to sit up....
In the room there are 15 people of your closest friends
in the center of the room are 3 chairs
they say that only three people can get on the "lifeboat" from the cruise ship.
so now you are fighting to get on a seat b/c well you dont wanna die (even though you know its not real the psychology behind it makes you understand the premise)
at the end of the fighting, we are told we get 1 minute to tell everyone why we should get a seat on the lifeboat. after the one minute for everyone they tell us we get three "live votes".
we get into a circle and one person steps forward (into the center of the circle) and then stands directly in front of the person next to them. You are only allowed to look them in the eyes and say,"you live/ you die."
You can only vote "you live" 3 times. Its very hard looking at some of your closest friends and telling them, "You die"
I got 0 live votes form my peers.
after this whole thing they tally up the votes and the top three get a seat then we all get 30 seconds to give them our last words to our family.
We then go around and tell everyone why we did/did not vote for them to live.
After this we get told that everyone dies form the crash (event he life boat) and we have to go into the break room and write our own Obituaries and Last Words to our families. We get one side of paper for each, and its real hard to focus at this point cuz your emotions re all over the place...
When we come back into the room the workshop staff and student supports are all wearing black and all the lights are off. they use flashlights to guide us to our seats where in front of us is a shrine where each of our items we brought with us at the beginning of the workshop is placed on display (cards form paretns gifts from lil brother etc)
we stand up, read our Obituary and Last Words in front of everyone by flashlight one by one. When we are done reading they remove your chair and take you to the back of the room where they then proceed to lay you down cross your arms on your chest and say "rest in peace ____" and that's you dead. this goes on until everyone has read their Obituaries and Last Words and we've all been on the ground for a while feeling like total shit. The leading faculty asks us to stand up if we are ready to fight for our right to live instead of making choices that lead us down the path to an early funeral..we all stand up really shaken, and all of the kids in the school that have been through the workshop before us come in with lit candles to symbolize the fire of life and we all are mad emotional cuz its like ridiculously taxing and its crazy and you're so happy you can speak to someone and that you're alive and its crazy.
..yeah thats one of the many stories i've got form my 16 ish months of therapy....