The Truth...

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

Before my computer is finished freezing, I would like to tell you all the truth. I will be leaving for good soon, so it might as well come out true, instead of the distorted way that Jeremy Brown....yes...that's his name (all you child Rapizts...gor for it)...wants you to see it. Here goes:

I'm almost seventeen years old. It is true what I said happened with my girlfriend, because, lets face it, nobody in their right minds would ever lie about anything like that. I said I was 19 because I didn't want to get in trouble with the law (I have no clue what the sex laws are..but I know they aren't alloud when ur 17...) and also, I didn't want you all to be completely disgusted with me. The whole thing about MIT is a lie that was origonally a bit of a white lie, but then used afterwards to try and prove that I was 19. I do go to High School, and am a bit of a graphics artist, but only use paint, which proves I'm not an expirienced one. I am very religious, as I said.

And oh....one more thing...my fiance's engagement ring only cost around $ 400 max...and I took a loan out to get that even.

Sincerely
The Captain
Edes

[LondonJack]

and the story changes yet again

*sets up chairs*

*starts selling popcorn*

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

Whatever....I figured you'd be pleased I told the truth, snarr... ;}

[xyxaxyz2]

You don't seem to think like you're 13, so I can believe this story.

But why did you lie in the thread in the forum about your game?

[LondonJack]

Edit: Popcorn sellers shouldn't get involved in threads, it's bad for business

Get your hot buttered popcorn here

[xyxaxyz2]

I don't think so...he's just an attention seeking kid of moderately above moderate intellegence, an internet connection and a lot of free time.

He makes up stories so people talk about him; I wouldn't be surprised if he made this entire conflict himself by inventing the Informant; doesn't every kid want an arch-enemy who cares enought about them to be dedicated soley to destroying their reputation?

EDIT: I hate when people do that! Now my post makes no sense. :(

[LondonJack]

Yeah but it took you at least 4 minutes to type that man, so you can't blame it all on me :p

[thrdflrmshr]

Originally posted by Ct Jack Sparrow
Whatever....I figured you'd be pleased I told the truth, snarr... ;}
Didn't you listen to anything we said? We obviously listened to you; you could at least return the favor.

[Jeffery]

Is this chapter 4 or chapter 5?? I got lost around the 4th time he changed his story.......

But I do believe the 13 year old part more than the 17 year old with a knocjed up girlfriend. "ooo I was scared of the big bad law"
Everytime I watch Cops there is some dumbass kid that runs and always uses that excuse.

But no matter what the this lie is, I can't wait for the next chapter. In fact, can I write it for him???

"CJS Chapter 6: The Real Truth

It was all a lie, but here is the actual truth this time. Really it is, I am not lying. I would never lie to you guys.
I am actually a 37 year old FBI agent investigating Internet Fraud cases. I decided to become a fraud myself in order to lure out my target. I have succesfully busted 19, no 13, no I meant 17 perps.
But I always tell the truth, and promise to never lie to you all again.
My real name is Donald Rumsfeld.


The End"

[thrdflrmshr]

Originally posted by Jeffery
"CJS Chapter 6: The Real Truth

It was all a lie, but here is the actual truth this time. Really it is, I am not lying. I would never lie to you guys.
I am actually a 37 year old FBI agent investigating Internet Fraud cases. I decided to become a fraud myself in order to lure out my target. I have succesfully busted 19, no 13, no I meant 17 perps.
But I always tell the truth, and promise to never lie to you all again.
My real name is Donald Rumsfeld.


The End"
Totally sig-worthy. Best quote of the week, hands down.

[Hydrant]

yay its like a TAO soap opera

now all we need is a pregnancy and an evil twin!

[LondonJack]

Next week on "As the Tactics Turn"

Is Hydrant really pregnant by London's Evil Twin Snarr?

Will CJS be castrated on general principle?

What new underdog will Xyx champion against all logic now that this dead horse has been beaten to a bloody pulp?

Does using a magebomb really make a man impotent?

Will London's fourth wife finally be revealed?

Does peanut butter really taste better when eaten off of Hydrant's stomach?

All these questions and more will be answered in the next thrilling installment of "As the Tactics Turn"

[Aro23r]

Getting married at 17? Wow. Bad idea, my man.

[Hydrant]

Originally posted by LondonJack
Does peanut butter really taste better when eaten off of Hydrant's stomach?



that totally reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend like a month ago.. here lemme dig it out:

FightingHydrant: wow u know what I just realized how pathetic i am right now.. Im sitting here.. saying u and josh are fucking while licking peanut butter off a plate
my friend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
my friend: i dont' know how i'm supposed to take that.

[Serge]

Unfortunatly getting married at 13 is worse...

IRT Hydrant: we already have a pregnancy, CJS got his girlfriend Britney Spears pregnant.

[Hydrant]

Originally posted by Serge
Unfortunatly getting married at 13 is worse...

IRT Hydrant: we already have a pregnancy, CJS got his girlfriend Britney Spears pregnant.

oohh thats right... ok so we still need an evil twin.. and... time travel!!!

[Serge]

Well we have SnarrLJ, sooooo, ah ha, Aro, and Ach, traveled back in time to fight in the VIetnam war and World War II, then once they got back, they realized that they were the only true friends either one had, and start crying.

[Hugh Junit]

I've read some funny sh*tola on these forums, but this thread, and every post in it, might just take the cake. I haven't laughed so hard since this time I saw a fat lady ( holding two giant grocery sacks full of junkfood ) fall down in the Safeway parking lot. Brilliant!

[Duffman]

Ok i'm officially hijacking this thread. Now we will all come up with out own real truth chapters to who CJS really is.

Chapter 7 "The real, real truth'
Ok i'm not 17, neither do i work at MIT. I'm a wallet inspector. No really i am, they gave me a badge and everything.
"That badge looks like it came out of a cereal box"
It did not!!! I'm a wallet inspector... I thought you guys trusted me... :(
Well fine then i guess we'll just... hey look over there! A duck!! *runs off*

*reaches over for one of Hugh's beers*

[sOOisiDal]

CJS saga Chapter 8


ok guys i'm not 17 i'm 25 i do go to MIT my 5th year...now i'm not a graphics artist but i did make Paint yes thats my program and that girl i was telling you about shes my Paint wife i met her on my Paint forum i Painted her a ring and made a Paint baby our Paint wedding is going to take place in Paint next year...after the ceremony i'm going to realease my new game Kings of an Ancient Painttm KOAAP is made entirally out of paint images


heres a photo of my new wife http://img2.imageshack.us/my.php?loc=img2&image=mywife1.JPG is she amazing?

and heres a screenshot of my new game! http://img2.imageshack.us/my.php?loc=img2&image=kings.JPG




hahaha! i tricked you! me and my high intellectual self


heres a real screen shot of my new game
http://img2.imageshack.us/my.php?loc=img2&image=hole1.JPG


it should be out next tuesday! anyway sorry for lying to you guys...i'm not lying now i promise!

[Glamdring]

you forgot to give that wife a giant belly and a more gianter glittering diamond ring...

[green97sierra]

ch. 9
*talks as cjs*
now, i cant quite get my head streight... so i think this is the truth im going to run with for a little bit. see, im so distraught and mentally unstable because when i was two, my mom took my bottle of juice away from me. i know exactly what you are thinking, and yes, it was VERY traumatic. i still have mental scars to this day. not only that, but they (my parents) actually thought it would be BETTER if i slept in my own bed. i mean talk about stress. all alone. in a big room. no wonder im making false personas in order to gain admiration. i mean my dad was only the coach of my baseball team, my mom cooked me dinner every night (except fridays, that was pizza night). i mean my childhood was HORRIBLE. so, that is why i lied.

my real life persona is just that, real life. i mean its boring. im 14, and im a freshman in highschool. all the cute cheerleaders ignore me, and all the jocks pick on me. i try to act cool, but it usually blows up in my face. i sure wish i could even get close enough to a girl to kiss her, let alone initiate in acts that would result in pregnancy *drools*. ok, thats it, i have to go look for porn.

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

Originally posted by thrdflrmshr
Didn't you listen to anything we said? We obviously listened to you; you could at least return the favor.

I was actually gone for a while...
But there is one more thing...this is only chapter 3...I had the origonal, then whosamacallit changed it, and then I came out and told the truth.

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

Ok....whatever...I give in....ne1 NOT ok with these two titles:

OFFICIAL TAO SOAP OPERA
OFFICIAL TAO BOOK SUBJECT

and fyi...every1...they're doing a CNN special on me later.

[sOOisiDal]

errr...ummm....eh?

[Soothesayer]

I am the one who tells all....
Sees all...
Knows all...

It is a fact that CJS is a complete liar

[Duffman]

LMAO!!!! s00isidal, green thats hilarious. oh i love it...

*stops laughing*
...
...
*starts again*...
(10 minutes later)

oh that hit the spot. I want to siggy them but they are a tad biggish.

Chapter 10.

I am the muffin man!

[/Chapter 10]

[scrubzor]

I would like to buy some of your popcorn, LondonJack. How much?

[LondonJack]

Well i guess i will have to give you the stale drama discount and say 5 cents a bag.

[thrdflrmshr]

Originally posted by Ct Jack Sparrow
I was actually gone for a while...
But there is one more thing...this is only chapter 3...I had the origonal, then whosamacallit changed it, and then I came out and told the truth.
Yeah, Chapters 4, 5, and 6, all existed in your head while you were trying to come up with another story to cover your ass.

[Johnny Chimpo]

Please, if you are religious, then for the love of God stop making threads about "the truth." You obviously don't understand what the word means or why it's a valuable character trait. Nobody here will ever believe another word that comes spilling forth from that dung-stained shitspout you call a mouth, so spare us your "confessions." Every word you type is suspect. Your age is irrelevant, you act like an 8-year-old and so as far as this forum is concerned, that is your age. As for any other details you want to convey about your life outside these forum walls, spare the attempt.

If your girlfriend does exist, which as always is unlikely, and she is pregnant (again low probability of truth), and you do plan on marrying her then I feel infinite pity for your future wife and unborn child. Coming from you "I do" could mean anything from "I don't" to "I just shit in my pants." As for raising a child, what can I say except good fucking luck. You'll be visiting him in a detention center somewhere, someday.

In the end none of it matters, because as person who is "very religious" you should realize that manipulating us all with your turdstorm of lies and impregnating your girlfriend out of wedlock has doomed you to an eternity in Hell. You can think about what you've done while demons poke your eyeballs out with shrimp forks and pack your colon full of burning, red-hot coals.

Rot. Asshole.

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

Someone hacked my acount in King Of Ancients. Thats why everyone who used to like me now hates me. I figured out that It must be one of two people. I am just so pissed. Anyone who used to go onto king of ancients...that isn't the truth. plz ignore that post. I'm changing my password, so don't worry, it shouldn't happen again.

[LondonJack]

This is the lie that never ends
it just goes on and on my friend
CJS started telling it
not knowing what it was
and he'll keep telling it just because
This is the lie that never ends...

[S_K_O_F]

Originally posted by LondonJack
This is the lie that never ends
it just goes on and on my friend
CJS started telling it
not knowing what it was
and he'll keep telling it just because
This is the lie that never ends...

lol

CJS...this is one of those unfortunate times when you aren't going to be able to dig your way out of this hole without just either admitting your suck...or proving you don't

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

Look...go to http://s6.invisionfree.com/King_of_Ancients/index.php?showforum=2

I never would have said that...I would have to be stupid. Now I know...and will kill him.

[Johnny Chimpo]

I never would have said that...I would have to be stupid.

Yah. Or a compulsive liar or something. No chance of that. Nope, not one.

you are NOT making another thread about this. Merging with thread titled The Truth...

In that case, you can read my previous comments there. SEE ABOVE.

[xerent]

You are NOT making another thread about this. Merging with thread titled The Truth...

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

THIS TIME I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHOEVER DID THIS IS SO DEAD!!!!!

[LondonJack]

We should call Xerent "The Mighty Merger Mod"

[Jeffery]

Originally posted by Ct Jack Sparrow
Someone hacked my acount in King Of Ancients. Thats why everyone who used to like me now hates me. I figured out that It must be one of two people. I am just so pissed. Anyone who used to go onto king of ancients...that isn't the truth. plz ignore that post. I'm changing my password, so don't worry, it shouldn't happen again.

Of course someone hacker you.


Gee, this is chapter 11 I believe now. Yet another lie from CJS explaining something he said. This time it only took 3 days to think of the lie to try and cover his ass.

And if you are so almighty and religious, why were you sleeping with your girlfriend before marriage...

Wait, I know. You answer should be, "We were engaged to be married, and the Father at the church said I should take her for a test drive."

And ooo, threatening to "kill" your arch enemy! How cool can you try and be? Hey, when you turn 14, maybe you will grow out of this stage where you are oooo so cool.
*cough cough BULSHIT cough*

[Johnny Chimpo]

THIS TIME I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's going to take more than capital letters to convince us you worthless jagoff.

[LondonJack]

Originally posted by Ct Jack Sparrow
THIS TIME I'M TELLING THE TRUTH

That quote pretty much sums up CJS better then anything i've seen

[Hydrant]

hhhmm well

ok

so the informat comes on here and says CJS is a fake... and he denies it... that Id have found hard to believe

but why would he go and admit "the Truth" on his own boards only to turn around and deny it so quickly... i mean why would you do that?

if he was comming clean, he would come clean... not come clean then go dirty again

Im not really for you CJS, but Im not against you either

[LondonJack]

Edit: Again bad for popcorn sales to get overly involved

Get your hot buttered popcorn here

[Johnny Chimpo]

but why would he go and admit "the Truth" on his own boards only to turn around and deny it so quickly... i mean why would you do that?

Why would he do any of it? For attention. To confuse people. So people come here and post about it. He's shown no capacity for veracity or logic yet, so I don't know why you expect things to suddenly make sense.

[S_K_O_F]

*taps LJ on the shoulder*

i want some popcorn dude!

how much?

[green97sierra]

Originally posted by Jeffery
Wait, I know. You answer should be, "We were engaged to be married, and the Father at the church said I should take her for a test drive."



LOL!!!! definately sig worthy!

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

No matter how manny times I say I'm sorry, Johnny Chimpo will never forgive me. Plz ignore what he says. I am not going to lie to you. There is a hacker on his files. It's me, Jeremy B. I'm hacking his account, and you know what? To make him look like a liar even more, I'm going to deny it under my real name, TheInformant. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[LondonJack]

Just when you think CJS couldn't or wouldn't stoop any lower...

[green97sierra]

haha ct. jack. i can feel the sarsam actually seeping through my screen. there cant possibly be ANY way that you are being serious with that post.... i mean jesus... hackers and everything? what is this? the matrix? however, i do have to give you an 8.5 for the story, and for even sticking to it!

[comingclean]

ok-

this is coming from one of the people who wrote the famed "THE TRUTH" on kings of ancients forum. i most certainly am not the captain.

while everything said in that post is true, "the captain". (alias nick simolardes, age 13 or 14) did not write it. there was no hacking of passwords involved, he simply left his account logged in at the computer lab. pretty nubby, especially for someone who claims to be good at covering his tracks.

its up to you guys to determine whether or not the captain has been lying, though he has pretty much proven that on account of his own stupidity. i only bring this up to even the playing field.

nick, i'm sorry you got the impression that these people wouldn't accept you for who you are. i'm also both dissapointed and incredibly amused that you stuck to the story. if you want to redeem yourself, either come clean, make a new account, or prove me otherwise, which i guarantee is impossible.

to the people on the tao forums- i'm amazed most that you didnt find holes in his story before hand. why is an 18 year old high shcool grad on a buisness trip? why does an mit student spell mock "mauk" and folks "foaks" even if it is the internet? the list goes on.

it's kind of sad that this has dragged out so long. nick, you only made it more painfull for yourself.

[LondonJack]

It must be really crowded in CJS's head

[Glamdring]

What you say is sensible, no matter who you are. At this point, however, I'm pretty sure the jolly captain just likes the spotlight. I imagine he's going to keep milking this for all it's worth, whether the attention he gets is positive or negative. As long as people care about it, he'll keep arguing or making new accounts to argue with. Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about it.

EDIT: LOL, that cracks me up... I wonder how many are in there that we haven't seen out yet...

[S_K_O_F]

damnit LJ

this story just keeps getting better


give me my freakin popcorn

*pulls up a chair*

[comingclean]

sorry, i've just been informed by a friend of his that hes 15, not 14 or 13

if that changes anything?

[Hydrant]

I dont think it matters any more if he was telling the truth.. or lying or what...

who cares? its not like anything he does affects us in anyway

this is hilarious.. but why get mad or anything?

*grabs popcorn*

[LondonJack]

Since this has turned it such a nice little drama fest, i've decided to give out free popcorn to everyone, except SKOF, he still has to pay.

[comingclean]

was just informed by another aqquantaince of the captain that progress on KOAT has not been stopped as reported.

i apologize

i can't wait to see what happens with paint and claris works.

*grabs some popcorn, pulls up chari*

[Johnny Chimpo]

this is coming from one of the people who wrote the famed "THE TRUTH" on kings of ancients forum.

No, it's not. It's coming from an attention starved douchebag named Ct Jack Sparrow who registered this screen name for the express purpose of corroborating his own inane bullshit by posting with two names in a single thread.

i'm amazed most that you didnt find holes in his story before hand.

We did, dumbass. I called you on your bullshit months ago. Go read the thread again, where I say many things including a) You are not an MIT student, b) You are not a programmer, c) You are not a genius, and d) You are most cerintaly totally full of shit.

[comingclean]

i can't prove my identity either way.

all i can say is that there are multiple people involved.

additionally, since we have access to the same server (www.lsrhs.net) you can expect some of the captain's work produced during his flash website animation course to make an apperance. i was in it.

[Goldberg]

Listen up, Captain Jack Sparrow.

I don't give a fuck whatever name you use; be it TheInformant or "comingclean" or whatever fucking crap you can make, it will never change the fact that you once lied and you will forever be branded as a liar. Shut the fuck up and stop making newer accounts because I sure as hell ain't falling for it, idiot.

[comingclean]

let me just propose this argument- the captian would gain nothing from "exposing himself"

i go to the same high school as the captain, and found him to be very annoying. i also found out that he was decieving alot of people on this forum. is it so unbelievable that we made our own accounts?

i'm not even trying to make a new image for myself, as i wont be on again.

[Ct Jack Sparrow]

This will be my FINAL paoust. I want to link you to some of my best work. This is the type of graphical artist you'll be losing. I hope you're all happy and I won't miss any of you.

pirate walk plank (http://www.lsrhs.net/athletics/UltimateWebsite/project_2.swf)

Stick Figure Fighting (http://www.lsrhs.net/athletics/UltimateWebsite/stickfigurefighting2.swf)

[comingclean]

i am blown away

the end is great

[Goldberg]

Goodbye, you stupid little 13-yr old prick. Go play with some dolls or something.

[xerent]

Oh my GOD you suck! I forbid you from ever touching flash again.

[Goldberg]

So miraculously, this "comingclean" person:

comes to tactics arena online -> goes to general discussion -> finds the topic of CJS with ease.. why do I find this a bit fishy? Anyway, get the hell out of here, liar. You're never-ending rants of lies and deceits will forever shade your name as TAO's biggest idiot of all time.

[LondonJack]

Originally posted by comingclean
i am blown away

the end is great

proof positive that comingclean = CJS

[comingclean]

its not miraculous if i watch the captain log in and see his username. not hard to find on the forums. not hard to expose him for lynig.

[comingclean]

wanted you guys to wait for the end where he throws his nubby swords. thats the best part

[Goldberg]

You know what? Why do I even bother proving that you are the IDIOT known as CJS.... Im just wasting my time.

IGNORED.

[Johnny Chimpo]

proof positive that comingclean = CJS

Yah, the fact that he could stand watching that God awful shitfest all the way to the end pretty much proves they're the same person. Not that we needed proof, but we have it anyway.

This is the type of graphical artist you'll be losing.

Got it. I guess that's one wretchedly terrible, nauseatingly unskilled graphic artist we will just have to do without. I'm sure we will find a way to cope.

In the meantime I'll start posting pictures of my used toilet paper. That should fill the void quite nicely.

Bon voyage douche bag!

[Goldberg]

Johnny Chimpo.. when you post your toilet papers.. I wouldn't want to use them afterwards.;)

[Jeffery]

Ok, time to merge this with the other crappy CJS posts of crap. What a load of crap. The crappy animations are crap. And even that is much better than crappy CJS could ever crap out. I doubt craphead ever made those. I think he is taking the crappy accolades for thos crappy animations from some other crappy kid. The only thing not crappy is the fact that he is leaving. But the crappy little liar will probably lie about that too. Now he is making crappy little newbs up to say how great he is. How crappy.

[xerent]

merged

[LondonJack]

Thank you xerent, now that's service :)

[xerent]

at least I don't sit on my arse all day, unlike some other people. *glare* ^^

[LondonJack]

Try to be nice and I get made fun of for my rampant laziness :(, good thing i didn't say i hated you, otherwise you would have eaten me again, and you know how i hate that :(

[xerent]

Any statement describing laziness should never include 'rampant'.

[Communist]

I NEED POPCORN its like my crystal meth! (there is a term you dont hear anymore)

[CJS]

DAMNIT!!! SOMEONE HACKED MY PASSWORD HERE TO. I WANT TO KNOW WHO DID THIS. THEY ADMITED THEY WENT TO MY SCHOOL, SO IT SHOULDN'T BE TO HARD...Oh, and if some mod is willing to change my password back, plz email me with the specifics. I'll let you know...that wasn't my work...That was some sunofabitch that I've never even heard of. Until I get that password (I mean if, BTW) I bid you all adue.

[CJS]

I'll post again when the game's finished.

[Johnny Chimpo]

God, just IP ban this shit sandwhich already. You're not being hacked, you're just too fucking stupid to disable cookies, logout, or create a password that your asspirate high school buddies can't guess in 30 seconds.

How many screen names are you going to go through? Maybe you should spend less time making half-stolen, ass-bad paint icons and more time learning how to use a goddamn computer without opening yourself to the exploits of your little pals and their undescended testicles.

[LondonJack]

Yes, please give the kid more attention, surely that will make him go away.

[Jeffery]

Originally posted by Ct Jack Sparrow
This will be my FINAL paoust.


Gee, yet another lie from the CrapHo himself. How many posts has CJS/comeclean posted in the last day after sayiung he wouldn't?? Well, just goes to prove not only is he a bad liar, he is just full of crap too.